gillanne's Journal

 It is early A.M. and as I read so many journals of hurt, happiness, victories, disappointments, etc., my mind races over different periods and happenings in my life. I have mixed emotions....like the seasons of life. I think maybe if choosing just one feeling that is most painful, I would probably focus on the heaviness of my heart.

I so want my family together but not enough to do something about it for fear of rejection, again.

Since the sickness & death of one son and total rejection of another, I am so tired of the sick feeling inside that I refuse to set myself up for more hurt, yet at the same time I so envy the closness and happy relationships I see others enjoying. After observing and weighing the matter, I choose to return to my safe world of withdrawal and try to talk myself into 'hurting no more' and so life goes on and on and on. This is where it usually ends....no answers.