Grannycare's Journal

Good Morning Journal Buddy: Do you ever wonder if only. When I have a bad day or get real down on myself, I ask if only. Instead of a ruptured  brain aneurysm, what if I had had a heart attack or a stroke. Recovered from it as most people do and carried on with life.  No brain to retrain or fix.  No body to adjust to climate. Be able to go outside when it is 85+ degrees and not be cold. Carry on conversations and not have to think about what was last said. Really be interested in doing something other then cleaning. I talked to my brother-in-law Saturday on the phone and he said something that really surprised me.  This is the first time I have talked to you on the phone in about 2 years. Did not know you were able to use the phone. I have seen him many times, even told him I drive, ride my bike, cook, shop etc, but he was surprised I could use a phone. I really do not think people pay much attention to us when we are  in their presense and see what is going on. When family gets togeter, I bake their favourite dessert and they all take some home and figure everything is okay because I can still bake. 

I also ask myself what if life was not so lonely. I feel bad for my Steve because he has to put up with me but what if we did not have each other. Would he have a better life if I was not in it. I do not want to find out. We have been through so much together for so long and I just keep hoping and praying things will get better with my mind. 

I like to blame this bad weekend on the weather as it was heavy clouds, no sun and rain off and on for 3 days. Today it is clear, blue skies and sun shine. Oh have to go. Grand daughter just came up on messenger. Thanks buddy. Type later. Monday 24th of August.