ironicgirl's Journal

Lonnie passed away last Tuesday, and I didn't know until I started back to work today, I had been out for almost two weeks. He had a heart attack and some how went into a coma, and came out of it, and then had another heart attack. I will miss his smile, I will miss his words, I miss his company, and his kindness. Everyone didn't seem as perturbed as I was, how could he be dead? The same man that went to his last break when I would leave to work. I think he even dressed up as Santa Claus like two years back. He had lost his wife about four months ago, and I guess the sadness was over bearing.

Life has a way of telling you of what is to pass on everyone, and there is no stopping it from coming to any of us. And so then the depression sinks in and I think about how the world would soon forget me, and that perhaps it would be smarter to end it now than to build more connections and have others suffer.

You built a wall around your heart, and yet you still can smile,

There's an aquaduct of tears swelling in your eyes, yet only a tiny river peers through,

Though your body has been used for years as the incest continued, now you use it to find anyone who'll love you, I dream of a better time before all of this, before the rape, before the incest, before I watched my grandma die before my eyes, before the stroke almost left my mom paralyzed, before I existed, because the pain is so deep I can't express it, only through cuts can I feel anything, only through overdosing on sleeping pills can I adjust, functional yet disfunctional me, and when I die don't shed a tear, because I didn't even know me, and I'd rather live like a stranger to everyone than to lose you in the end, I'd rather die alone than to lose a friend...