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koolman 
to FAIR, because the economy is really grating on my nerves, and making me feel rather helpless. I normally make a pretty good living working free-lance, and the free-lance work is still trickling in, but it's slowed to a dribble that is no longer keeping up with the bills, so it's time to hunker down and get ready to attack a full-time job. I'm shooting out dozens of resumes on careerbuilder. But in what-?
I've done sales in the past and didn't meet the quota, so they let me go. I didn't believe in the product I was selling, and cold-calling is a bit unnerving, because I'm always disturbing people at dinner or some other inconvenient time. Customer service is looking increasingly appealing. Customers call me and I solve their problem. Getting ready to put my smiley-face and A-game on and try to be excited about a position that a year ago I would've frowned upon.
My SELF-ESTEEM is good, but my esteem in THE WORLD and the corporate hierarchy sucks, and I'm trying to work on my attitude about that...and be more positive. In the end, it's all about serving people, which is what I do free-lance now...starting with my soon-to-be-boss. Always prided myself on being my own boss, and now it's time to swallow that pride, dig in, dig deep and serve another's needs for far less pay in more time. What is your need? I'll fill it, dilligently, efficiently and with passion.
Just watching movies from 2002 when you were already complaining about what you thought was acid reflux (and we later learned to be a colon tumor that proved fatal), and it's eerie, sad and disturbing...that we had the warning signs and didn't know what to do about them, were "too busy" for "the inconvenience" or some other lame excuse. All I can say is...I'm so sorry, Mark. I feel like a lame schmuck.
I know you're in a better place now. You wouldn't like it here. We're in the middle of an economic recession, so you'd probably be out of work and homeless. I'm hanging on by a thread. Going to get some shitty low-paying job somewhere to supplement things. Miss the warm, sweet, fuzzy times we used to enjoy...Mike
...from 20 years ago and we had a lot of laughs and great time. I enjoyed being close to her. She kicked her dead-beat boyfriend (my former friend) out to the curb for the umpteenth time and he went to live with his mother for the umpteenth time until they get sick of each other, and then he'll return to her. I'm actually thinking of moving in on this woman, because she helps me get and stay in touch with my inner child, as she is still in touch with hers, her "fairy princess" who wants her prince to come in and rescue her (from her own loneliness). My inner child is a scared little boy who channeled his fear and insecurity into aggressive, imaginative, creative pursuits like storytelling.
Could it work? Maybe...part of me loves this woman...maybe I'll be her temporary lover until the ex worms his way back into her heart, which would work great for me...I don't really want to commit to anybody right now anyway, even though I do have feelings for her (I have feelings for ALL women though...don't think I'm a one-woman man). The scared little boy in me is scared of waking up alone some morning with a scorching case of herpes...so I NEED to commit to SOMEBODY...!
I'm seriously considering this...she's very pretty...has a bit of a controlling, mothering side, but it comes from a place of love and a need to be a caregiver...and this is a good thing. Could also come from a place of insecurity (her parents divorced when she was young). Gotta ask her how she feels about this. She tends to want it all (full-time, lifelong commitment) or nothing, but maybe it doesn't work that way...!
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