mert254's Journal

Man, oh man, it has been forever since I checked in with Daily Strength.  I just had so much going on and deailing with so much that I just could not get myself to get one.  I had 46 messages today!!!!  I am so sorry but I just deleted most of them because there was way to many for me to read.  That is not because I do not care. 

My husband and I are doing good.  Sam is back working at Dominoes part time along with his Kodak job.  He works all the time it seems.  I just had so many health issues.  Life has been really, really hard. 

My relief in life for the last year and a half has been my crafting.  With my 2 hand surgeries most of that went away and I hated it.  I tried to do other crafts other than sewing.  I found some I could do but sewing is my main craft that I want to do.  We have a crafting group here in our neighborhood and we do two craft shows as a group.  I have loved this so much and these people.  Well, things have gotten ugly.  I guess I have been a topic of conversation lately.  Someone approached me and said that when I take things that I make to our weekly coffee club that people are tired of me pressuring them to buy.  I do not take them to sell, just that I am excited about a new project that I completed. Other people take their things there too, but I won't anymore.  I was also told that I see what other people make that is good sellers then I copy them.  What a ludicruis idea!!  I have sooooo many ideas of what I want to make that I do not need to copy someone else.  They said that this lady who makes aprons sold so many so I made aprons.  I was so mad because before she even made aprons I bought a whole bag of stuff to make off craigslist.  I did not get them made that year and that was when she started selling them, so I NEVER did make those aprons.  Plus, that same year she brought carmel corn.  They were new that year.  Before that, I had made some and brought it  but that year I did not have time.  Since she does it I QUIT making it.  I did not want to cross over into others crafts.  So I am the one that backed off, so when I got accused of this it just tore me up.  Then she said when I found out her daughter was making candy I decided to make candy.  Mind you, this is a craft/back sale.  I told her I had bought all the stuff to make candy and when she said her daughter was making candy I said I was too.  I did NOT make it just because her daughter was.  Now, in a bake sale, are there not more than one person who brings cookies, and brownies, etc?  I am furious that I should not be allowed to make candy too.  There is more, but I think the picture is there.  I am totally devestaed and hurt to the core.

OK, now, that was for the crafting.  We also have a Bible Study group.  I usually did not feel as welcome as the others so I quit  going for awhile, but then I decided the heck with it, I want to go, so I went back.  Well, one day I called a member and said I was out of town with my grandkids so I could not go, but please pray for us because we were in a terrible financial situation.  We are hurting so bad.  Then I got approached because I spent money and bought new clothes.  How could I do that if we were so bad off?  Well, I have lost 23 pounds and 2 sizeds so I charged a pair of shorts, 3 tops and 2 dresses so I had clothes that fit.  I spent about $15 on makeup and got $72 worth of free makeup from ultra.  My make up was about 2 years old so I NEEDED to throw it out.  Women will understand.  Then I bought some beads to start making jewlry so they complained about that but I sold some purses and used that money and NOT house money.  I did not know that I had to explain myself when I asked for prayers.  So, it was hard to go back, but I did.  We were in the middle of the study.  I do not remember what we read, but it sparked me to share with them that after 20 years on med, I finally have become addicted to one of my strong meds.  They pretty much got after me for how much medicine I take but said they would be there for me.  I could not go again the next week but did the next.  When I said I still needed prayers to get off this med, they came unglued and told me I wasn't really trying hard and that God would not honor me or my prayers!  I was so shocked I did not know what to say. Well, needless to say, I am not going back.

So, I have lost my enjoyment in crafting with my friends and lost my Bible study friends.  It has been so hard.  I have been so depressed.  I cry all the time.  I know I should say that I am better off without them, but I am not.  I just have to find a way to forgive them and love them anyway, but it is hard, so hard!

Pain report on another day!!!