lostlizz's Journal

OK  SO I HAVE THIS THEORY ABOUT MY DEPRESSION BUT MAYBE IN JUST A LITTLE DRUNK AND CRAZY. BUT ILL GO AHEAD WITH IT ANY WAY. I FEEL LIKE RIGHT BEFORE I GOT DEEPLY DEPRESSED I WAS SO HAPPY THAT THE CHANGE WAS SO DRASTIC THAT MY BRAIN COULDNT HANDLE THE CHANGE. SOUNDS CRAZY BUT LET ME EXPLAIN...BEFORE I MET MY BABIES FATHER. I WAS SO CONTENT WITH MY LIFE I WOULD GO WHERE I WANT TO SEE WHO I WANT TO , SHOP WHEN I WANT TO. AND AFTER I FELT LIKE I WAS ON LOCKDOWN IN PRISON. BUT I ACCEPTTED IT BECAUSE I WAS TIRED OF BEING ALONE AND WANTED SOMEONE TO LOVE SO BAD WE GOT ALONG SO WELL THAT I THOUGHT HE JUST WANTED TO BE AROUND ME ALOT THATS WHAT I WANTED . THEN I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT AT THE SAMETIME I QUIT MY JOB. AND I LOVED MY JOB. I WAS SO GOOD AT IT. SO I FELT LIKE I GOT DEMOTED TO WIFE AND MOTHER . AND THAT COMMENT MIGHT SOUND WRONG AND NOT FLY WITH OTHER MOMS. BUT THATS JUST HOW I FEEL . ITS JUST SOMETHING PREPROGRAMED IN MY HEAD. IFEEL LIKE IM JUST MY SONS AND HIS DADS SLAVE . IM TIRED OF GIVING MY ALL TO EVERYONE ELSE . IM JUST SSOOOOOOOOOOOO BORED WITH MY LIFE  ITS SAD I FEEL SO GUITY FOR FEELING LIKE THIS. BUT I CANT HELP BUT FEEL TRAPPED.