Join Now
Tray34 
9:03am Yesterday
I used to love writing new journals.Now I never take the time.Why?I am not sure.Maybe because everyone else has so much going on who would have time to even take a look?Maybe because some days I want to share everything with everyone/others I dont want to share at all.
I have always been different.I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder years ago.I took Paxil for awhile and got myself off of it.I did fine for a long time.But slowly it started coming back.And of course I denied it.When I was pregnant with Bella it was the worse it had ever been.And I think thats why my PPD was so bad.Its better but does it ever go away?Some days I wake up so happy/others I wake up hating the world.Some days I start off happy but come home hating life.Why?What is it?I have a good life.yes,theres problems.But everyone has those.Is it because I am so unhappy with the way I look?Why cant I be one of those women who loves themselves no matter what shape and size they are.
Is it because my oldest daughter has no motivation in life and doesnt give a rats ass about me or the family?I didnt raise her that way.Her dad left when she was little but I was ALWAYS there for her and I still am.
Is it because I have a selfish husband who only thinks of himself and can never be there when I need him?I should be used to it.He is husband #3 for me..Yeah #3..I know..But I am a good person.a good wife and a good mother.So why do they walk all over me?Because I let them,right?My kids and family have always been first in my life and I guess I am just wanting to be somebodys #1 too
Comments
So they say if you have a problem you should say it right?Dont be in denial..Well I am suffering from PPD-Post Partum Depression and it frickin sucks..I love my kids.I love my husband.I love my job.But I dont like me.I dont like life too much right now and I am needing help-which I will be getting real soon..I have never dealt with this feeling before.I must say I do not like it one bit.I want to feel happy again.I want to see the good in things.I want to wake up smiling and go to bed laughing.I want to be me again..
To all of my friends-I am soooooo sorry I havent been a friend lately.Let me get myself together and I will be back!!!!Love to you all
Comments
-
You are exactly right, you get yourself together and you WILL be back. Take your time, and don't feel sorry for not being "a good friend" or anything like that. *MWAH* Love ya!
-
love you Tray, take your time and feel better soon. Email me, message, me, anything you need to talk about I am here.
nikki
-
please keep us posted about what is happening. WE CARE ABOUT YOU!
-
I had postnatal depression and it feels like everyone is against you. Its one step at a time and try and do something nice for yourself even if its just to tell yourself what a great mother you are
UPDATED GOALS
Have a healthy pregnancy
Progress 100%
Encouragements: 0
Add your supportPast Entries
Goal Updated
oh Tracy....honey....I am so sorry to see you hurting like this. Please know that I care about you and I'm always here if you need someone to talk to.
Giant gentle hugs.
LdMay
I love you sooo much tray! When Mike was away you were the only one who was really here for me. And though you were not here in Idaho I felt as though you were very close. Your my very dearest friend right now and my most definate #1 confidant. I feel like I can tell you anything and you will listen and love. huge hugs tracy! love, nikki
nikki20
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Sometimes it helps just to get it all out. Know that you are not alone with these feelings...big hugs to you.
dawniedoomomof2
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything okay for you and your family. I don't get why we allow everyone to walk all over us either. We are both strong women!
cbracken
Everyone wants to be someone's number 1. Have you tried talking to hubby about this? I'm so sorry you are hurting honey. YOu do have people that love you and I'm here if you need someone to talk to ever! Love you!!!
flutterbyfly