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jenlynmo8256 
I am exhausted. Emotionally and body wise. my mothers is terminal and my partner lett me. i'm laid off and searching really hard for a couple of jobs to keep me busy to prevent me from going crazy. i'm trying to be more social and get invovled but i'm lucky if i can get out of bed and do something productive. Its been 4 months since my break up and i'm stagnet. i'm not sure how to recover from this. Everyday i feel is wasted, I want to be happy. I force my self into positive thought and possible great outcomes of it. I'm trying to get comfortable for the idea of offically having no family at all but my self to represent my what "was" my family. I'm scared i'll never find someone else that will love me. I think of my wedding day if that ever comes and there is no one to sit on my self cause they are all dead. I have no one to lean on but this web site. A fucking website!!!! i'm devastated and trying to peel myself off the pavement and stand on my own two feet. so much is going wrong right now i need some positives. I'm extremely strong and fearless (I say fearless cause you can be scared to death and its the point you still face it head on). I hate hearing "i'm sorry" i dont need pitty. I'm praying that God sends good people to me and that more positives happen. I really really really need a couple of good friends and a big hug today.
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hey there j - I totally feel for you. I had a hard sunday too. I totally hate it that you lost your partner and that you are having to face your mom's mortality right now. I tell my mom all the time to be careful with herself b/c I need her right now. I think you need some mental health support - you could really, really benefit from an excellent counselor that you feel at home with. If you don't have insurance for it - it's out there in other forms through community or church services. I have a GREAT counselor. I also have good friends/family but no one in my life is at the point I'm at, so this website is helping me. I'm scared too about never finding anyone right for me, and as some things in my life improve, the less willing to risk my heart I become. I can lose what little ground I've got, you know? I haven't looked to see where you stand spiritually, but the right spiritual home could become your family. There are sooo many older women who for one reason or another have no one locally to nuture. You need to seek out a spiritual home where you can be loved. I've been to gi-normous! churches and little ones - I like the little ones. It can take a while to find the right place. I divorced ~5 yrs ago, and now I'm grieving the relationship I trusted was going to be the right one. Anyway, when I first separated, I went to a women's sunday school class and at the end I blurted out my story to the leader - she said 'well honey, sit back and be fed.' That is what you need, you need some spiritual food from some good women out there that want to give it. I read the new earth too. The website classes with Oprah are great. Can you join a local oprah bookclub? I am going to look and see if you have kids but if you don't you need to get in some groups, seriously. Yoga, bookclubs, church, habitat for humanity. The candidate you like, man, you want to talk about some excellent energy? one of my worst nights, it was the day of my states primary. My sister would have never spoken to me again if I didn't vote. So at the last minute I slogged my kid out to vote with me - it went great, great energy people, and I felt a little better. That night my candidate (okay, it was Barack I admit - but I can find something to admire in all of them) spoke. Tears just streamed down my face. but they were so much better tears than the ones from the day before. My kid is a little ... high-maintenance right now ... so I need to be devoted at home. But if you can get out - get out and get connected. I need to 'blaze a new path' for myself now - and I'm so exhausted, I don't want to do it. but we must do it, don't you think?
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