jenlynmo8256's Journal

Devastated, Just a total train wreck.

All my family has past away from various things but mainly cancer. My Mother has Scleroderma and just told me she has breast cancer and now we have surgery in the first week of june. she had a check up in feb and nothing was there. here it is may and a HUGH lump formed and its cacner. . .  CANCER. I dont know how i'm going to pay for this.

i'm selfish and angry that I am 25 and have no one at all. I have no family to lean, no friends that understand what i'm going through. My partnerleft me, broke off the wedding ( i think he found someone else), I was pregnant and kept it to my self ended up loosing my baby the 2nd time this has happen, i got laid off, i'm trying my best to take care of my Mother.  SO many things are happening at once i cant seem to keep a grip on things. The economy is HORRIBLE. I dont know what to do. I have no where to go. I have no one to lean on. Its not a option to fall apart. I have to take care of my shit, There isnt room for tears but keep plugging away.  . . 

I hate marketing and commericals. Its everywhere. Family  . . . you always see images of family. what about people like my self where you dont have family. . . literally!

I have cried everyday since Jan when my partner left me and in addition to my Mother situation things just havent gotten much better. 

I've had a hard life. I had an abusive father, raped at 15, beaten and rapped by a frat boy at 20.  Struggled my whole life, I've had a lot of life experience. When does it get easier. . . 

I need a vacation. I statements such as "everything will be fine" "Suck it up" " everyone has a sob story" "OMG, i'm so sorry "  Pitty is unwelcomed, and something i dont subscribe to. 

I am Angry! I am FUCKING livid this is happening to my mother and I