Journal

yes, sweet pea! stay in the light! you are a light, yourself - I can see it.

While your mother is ill and needs your help, I wish I could mother you. There are lots of women like me who would love to nurture and mentor you. You stay in the light and stay connected and get connected and reach out and accept help! Blessings ~tb

hey there j - I totally feel for you. I had a hard sunday too. I totally hate it that you lost your partner and that you are having to face your mom's mortality right now. I tell my mom all the time to be careful with herself b/c I need her right now. I think you need some mental health support - you could really, really benefit from an excellent counselor that you feel at home with. If you don't have insurance for it - it's out there in other forms through community or church services. I have a GREAT counselor. I also have good friends/family but no one in my life is at the point I'm at, so this website is helping me. I'm scared too about never finding anyone right for me, and as some things in my life improve, the less willing to risk my heart I become. I can lose what little ground I've got, you know? I haven't looked to see where you stand spiritually, but the right spiritual home could become your family. There are sooo many older women who for one reason or another have no one locally to nuture. You need to seek out a spiritual home where you can be loved. I've been to gi-normous! churches and little ones - I like the little ones. It can take a while to find the right place. I divorced ~5 yrs ago, and now I'm grieving the relationship I trusted was going to be the right one. Anyway, when I first separated, I went to a women's sunday school class and at the end I blurted out my story to the leader - she said 'well honey, sit back and be fed.' That is what you need, you need some spiritual food from some good women out there that want to give it. I read the new earth too. The website classes with Oprah are great. Can you join a local oprah bookclub? I am going to look and see if you have kids but if you don't you need to get in some groups, seriously. Yoga, bookclubs, church, habitat for humanity. The candidate you like, man, you want to talk about some excellent energy? one of my worst nights, it was the day of my states primary. My sister would have never spoken to me again if I didn't vote. So at the last minute I slogged my kid out to vote with me - it went great, great energy people, and I felt a little better. That night my candidate (okay, it was Barack I admit - but I can find something to admire in all of them) spoke. Tears just streamed down my face. but they were so much better tears than the ones from the day before. My kid is a little ... high-maintenance right now ... so I need to be devoted at home. But if you can get out - get out and get connected. I need to 'blaze a new path' for myself now - and I'm so exhausted, I don't want to do it. but we must do it, don't you think?