Journal

for everyone right now haha.

I'm having some money troubles right now!! But i've had to swallow my pride and do the unthinkable.... APPLY FOR A JOB AT MCDONALDS!!!! I need evening shifts so I can juggle 2 jobs college and dancing! hahaha! I got a song back today that I went and recorded a few weeks ago... exciting stuff aye!

 I never updated my goal to 100%

so yeah.. I am succsessfull for now! haahaa

Don't get me wrong I still have alot of negetive thoughts and instead of wallowing in them or repressing them, i'm recognising them and thinking how I can resolve whatever is bothering me.

Last week I would have been exactly 8 months pregnant now, it did get me down, but instead of getting myself worked up.. I went to Lisas, had a brew explained how I felt, we talked and then I went out and bought myself a charm for my charm bracelet of a stalk to symbolise no matter what happened, that child will never be forgotten. I have come to accept what I did was for the best for not only me but for my child and I didn't come to this by repressing, self loathing or denying it, I did it by embracing (I hate that word it is so cheesy) what I had done and considered what it would have done to my life and the loathing I may possibly feel towards it. 

Now my rape... that hasn't been an issue for a few months with me... well it has but I think I just got so used to the complex it has made me develop I didn't even realise it was there anymore. I wouldn't have recognised this if I hadn't gone up to Denton on my own for the first time since it happened to go to Salsa to sign me and Lisa up. I felt uncomftable and well scared when I was there. BUT I've recognised it and that's what i'm going to work on. I'm sick of my inferiority complex that's goin on! But none of this is bad, it's improvment and i'm nt gonna lie, i'm very proud of myself and not affriad to admitt it!!