Amanisha's Journal

I am in a deep dark place, I can't get out, and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like I fell into a bottomless pit, that my world has been destroyed.

My beautiful perfect world, destroyed my a mental disorder that fell down like an atomic bomb. Leaving radiation continuing to destroy for years to come. People will suffer at my expense.

I feel unhappy and unable to let go, I feel depressed and unsure of myself. I feel angry, as if I am a volcano ready to explode, doing worse damage than Pompeii. Wanting and not able to control destroying all in my path.

When I look in the mirror I see what the rest of the world sees, a monster, a demon, I see Satan’s child, an exact replica. I feel like slamming my fist against the mirror breaking it into a thousand pieces as blood drops down my arm and into the sink. I begin to throw things across the bathroom grabbing anything and everything, as my mirror image watches while she shakes her head.

I feel this deep evil inside of me that has taken over and threw me into that bottomless pit. I am not strong enough to fight it, I am not brave enough.