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menaceden48 
10:32pm, July 2, 2009
Just came back from an AA meeting. I had 5 yrs clean and sober and it has been a struggle to get any significant time now. Even more so with the death of my son at such an early age. His life was just beginning. I was NOT supposed to out-live him. The meeting was about removing the wreakage of the past. People with alot of clean time had very good input. I know all that. It is a simple program but why is it SO HARD for me? I know what to do. I am just so sad and I feel soooooo hopeless. I hope tomorrow is a better day.
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Hi, game to your site via your post to another. Just read that you are thinking of a Tylenol-overdose. This is not a good idea.. You will not go into a vegatative state...it will actually be many months before you die and it is a very painful, ugly and expensive death. Just thought you'd like to know. Another thing, FYI, you needn't go to AA daily to recover. Actually , in AA you will never recover .I guess you already realize that since if you are recovered it is for life not for 5 yrs. Suicide is the highest form of self-critisism. Do you feel responsible for your son's death in any form? Or, are you just so miserable that you are temporarilly out of your mind? After all, it is quite insane to want to leave your kids, pets and parents via suicide not to mention very selfish, to want to inflict the misery you feel re: your son's death onto peeps that you claim to love. I am a recovered drinker, self-recovered, by the way. There actually is real help for you if you are serious about wanting it. If you really, really want to get out of the mess you are in, both mentally and physically, check out my journal from the day I started on DS. If you are only looking for sympathy or strokes, don't bother with my site. I hope you are serious. Love Triss
triss