portosicuro's Journal

At this time, last year, I was crying. I was in a hospital with strangers and I was scared. I went back to my old journal and there was a lot of stuff written down. I felt my heart hurt when I read about Dr.W. I hadn’t seen that entry before. And now she’s gone. I really wish that I could’ve done something with her. I feel emotional writing this. It’s like it just hit me. Pointy doesn’t want to do something, but I was pretty much begging her. I really wanted he company. But I’ll be with SuperSenior, so I’m not alone. I want to be alone. I want to sit alone in my room and read old journal entries and cry and eat chocolate, but I’ve learned that I can’t do that. I can’t wallow, I need to get up and do something…but I just- I really want someone to sit with me and cry and eat chocolate. It’s my anniversary and no one cares. I can’t see to be bold enough. I know that it’s Halloween and everyone’s busy. But it’s my anniversary…and I really wanted to spend the day with someone who would make me feel strong and accomplished.

I’m gonna be ok. I’m gonna…just…This was supposed to be positive and a celebration, but I feel like a year has gone by and I still feel weak and lonely. I’m still not sure if I should cry to sad music or listen to upbeat music. Because I want to cry. For the first couple of sentences, I was about to write about my triumph, but now I’m just sad.

The day is ending and the only accomplishment I made is a poem I wrote, this morning…

...Now that the day is over. I feel so happy and loved.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN.