Journal

I am scareddddd. I don't know whatboa happening to me. I am eye I am there I am everywhere. I am trying, oh trust me I am, but even now someone is telling me u haven't tried hard enough. I don't know who I am anymore. I am the person that people see me as. The gay one. The loud one. The aggresive one. The rude one. But who am I. It hurts sometimes when I just sit down and think, this is me. Poor people around me. I get angry I get sad. But it feels as though I have no control and that ewry emotion is a different person. I have no choice on whether it is good or not. Nothing has any sort or glimps of fun. I am a rude idiot who thinks by being blunt people will see yu as honest, but all I do is hurt peoples feelings. I'm so sorry rukiha, don't leave me here please not all alone. I need someone. Although we do not speak often, it is so nice to know that out there in this god forsaken world, someone is caring, someone is thinking of me. But I'm not rapid cycling. Rapid cycling is where you will be all over the place suicidal to extremely happy. Mine isn't that bad. I'm just so so scared. I've never felt this way before, I don't know how to handle this. And what's funny is that everything that I have typed I could never say out loud. Hm...