iammoosh's Journal

c/p from another site...

not doing so well since getting kicked out of glory house.  yes, you read that correctly...  i was kicked out after exactly two weeks.  two weeks to the DAY...  i fell apart.  since getting home on september 4th (i took a greyhound bus from tulsa to albany), i'm back to cutting on a daily basis.  i'm back to purging on a daily basis (and have been purging a significant amount of blood since wednesday - october 1st).  i stopped taking ALL my psych meds the same day i left tulsa.  i took my morning meds, but nothing after that.  so i've been off my psych meds since september 2nd, and went off them "cold turkey," which is dangerous in and of itself.  and i'm doing some other self-destructive things that i won't mention here because i'm not proud of them, NOR do i want anyone to judge me...

my therapist (and my family doc) have been trying, for WEEKS, to get me to go inpatient because i am not doing well.  i saw my therapist on wednesday, and she basically said that i'm going to die (or get killed) if i don't go inpatient.  and my family doc agrees with her.  she wasn't going to let me leave her office, so i got frantic and agreed to start ONE of my psych meds (the cymbalta) and sign something stating i wasn't suicidal (because i wasn't).  she agreed, as long as i made an appointment with her for monday (tomorrow) at 9am, and keep my appointment with my eating disorder specialist following tomorrow's therapy appointment.  fine.  no big deal.  my ED doc is going to make me get weighed.  don't want that, but i've lost almost 3 pant sizes since leaving tulsa a month ago...

SO.  i agreed to go inpatient.  this week.  as long as my therapist promised not to call the hospital until tuesday.  because i have a session with my pastor and his wife on tuesday.  so, my appointment with my ED doc tomorrow is going to incluide labs and an EKG, as well as my weight, because that's what the hospital is going to need.  yay.  i would have had to get the labs anyway, because i'm purging blood, and my ED doc would have made me go inpatient because i'm doing more than one method of purging (vomitting, over-exercising, etc).  at this point, my therapist and my pastor think it's best if i sign myself into the hospitsal, rather than get "2 PC"ed...  if i sign myself in, i can sign myself out...  if i go in "2 PC"ed, i'd have to wait until my inpatient doc thought i was ready to leave.

that's my life right now...