iammoosh's Journal

“IT HURTS TO GROW.  ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU IT DOESN’T IS LYING.”

-meredith grey, “grey’s anatomy”

**this is going to be a LOOONG one. you don’t have to read all of this…  REALLY!**

friday was so incredibly BUSY!

i got up at 8:30am, after having not one, but TWO nightmares thursday night/early friday morning…  technically, it was 8:34am…  because i set my alarm and hit the snooze button once.  so i got up and showered and shaved and got dressed.  i faxed the signed contracts and dr. formans medical clearance letter to mary anne at glory house (it was like 7:30am there…).  i ate some cereal and a banana and helped my mom load up her car with stuff that needed to go into her storage unit.  karrie, brett and gavin were here, too.  karrie and brett put some stuff in their car, as well…  we got almost everything loaded up (a few boxes wouldn’t fit anywhere) and my mom went to start her car.  it wouldn’t start…  not 10 minutes earlier, brett had asked my mom if she knew that her lights were on.  she said she did.  well, her battery died.  her excuse?  “well, i could leave the lights on in my other car.”  in her santa fe, she could leave the keys in the ignition, and it wouldn’t affect her battery.  her new car is ALSO a hyundai, but a different model…  so i kinda flipped out on her…  i said, “that was your OTHER car.  this is a DIFFERENT car!”  not so nice of me… so brett and karrie had to unload their car to get karrie’s jumper cables out of the trunk, and they jumped my mom’s car.  then they had to reload their car.  gavin rode with my mom and i to the storage unit, which is about 45 minutes from the house.  my sister becca works at the storage unit.  she’s the office clerk.  on the way, my mom needed to stop and get gas, so we stopped, and she offered to buy everyone something from dunkin donuts.  we all got something cold to drink (i got a medium strawberry coolata with whipped cream) and my mom told me to get 25 munchkins (they only had glazed and jelly filled).  so i had 8 of those, on top of eating breakfast…  F**KING PIG! 

we got to the storage unit around 10:30am…  becca was there with my nephew aiden (he turned 2 in march), and her boyfriend’s cousin olivia (i think she’s about 7?).  i gave olivia and aiden the rest of the munchkins…  since i still haven’t talked to becca since our HUGE fight a few weeks ago, it was awkward, to say the least…  i didn’t say much to her, other than to give her a copy of “E.T.” that i burned for lexi and jackylyn on mother’s day…  we left there at about 11am.

THEN, we went to watervliet to get an estimate for my mom’s car.  when we had that really bad weather up here about two weeks ago, my mom was at work and hadn’t parked under the pine trees, like she usually does.  that day, we got an AWFUL hail storm (the size of golf balls, which is highly unusual in this area) that lasted about an hour.  my mom’s car got hit pretty bad.  she has dents all over her hood, roof and trunk.  it’s going to cost her about $4500 to get fixed.  she’s going to submit the claim to her insurance company this coming week to see if they’ll cover it.  if they won’t, she’s going to buy one of those dent-popper kits from an auto-parts store and see if she can fix it herself…  that whole process took an hour…

then came the trip to dr. forman’s office for my lab work.  no biggie.  we got there around 12:45pm…  gavin and my mom both came in with me because i had to make an appointment for both me and gavin (his 4-year-old check up is due at the end of july) for the end of july.  that way, karrie can drive me.  so we’re both scheduled for july 29th.  one of us will be at 2:30pm, and the other will be at 3pm.  on our way into the office, this CUTE little dog was barking at the window.  we found out  later that it was dr. forman’s dog, bella.  she’s an italian greyhound/ rat terrier mix.  TOO CUTE! i wasn’t going to go pet her (she was at the back of dr. forman’s office, near where dr. forman’s personal office is), but gavin kept calling me, so i felt obligated to go pet bella with him.  i was trying to avoid dr. forman at ALL COSTS, given the graphic, personal letter i had faxed him yesterday regarding my childhood sexual abuse…  as i was walking down the hall towards gavin, my mom and bella, i LITERALLY walked into dr. forman and fell flat on my ass… nice…  he helped me up, and i thanked him (mumbled it, really), but i couldn’t look him in the eye…  jo drew my labs, and on the way out, dr. forman stuck his head out of his personal office and said, “if there’s anything you need from me before your appointment next month, please call me, okay?”  all i could do was nod…  i’m totally dreading the appointment on july 29th because i KNOW that the letter i faxed is going to come up in conversation…

we left dr. forman’s at 1:15pm.  it took longer than I expected, but oh well…  my mom got lost going over back roads to the grocery store, so we didn’t get there until almost 2:15pm…  it’s normally a 25 minute trip…  she picked up some lunch meat, chips, pickles, and pitas.  brett and karrie went to my mom and dad’s house straight from the auto body shop where my mom got the estimate, so they had been home for about two hours when we arrived with the crap for lunch.  so we all ate lunch.  which i had to force down…  it was so hot and humid today that everything i ate made me feel really nauseous…  but i managed not to purge friday.  LA-DEE-F**KING-DA.  who really gives a s**t?

my best friend from high school (laura) came over at 3:30pm.  i actually hadn’t seen her since last june, when we went to a baseball game at yankees stadium…  we ended up grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and walking down to our dock and just sitting there with our feet in the water.  we had a good talk…  we hadn’t talked like that EVER.  we talked about our therapists, and meds, and what has been going on in our lives.  we made some more plans to get together.  i’m going to be seeing her again monday morning (she’s bringing me to my therapy appointment), but she’s off work for the summer, so we’ll have more time to get together before i leave for glory house sometime in august.  laura is a music teacher, and her last day of school was yesterday.  we made plans to go see “mama mia” when it comes out in theaters on july 18th.  we’re both really excited about this movie!  anyway, we talked for a good two hours.  before she left at 5:45 to head to her mom’s house for dinner, my mom took some pictures of us.  out of three pictures, only one of them came out well (my mom is CLUELESS about the zoom feature on my camera, even though i showed her TWICE how to use it).  the first two pictures were really far away.  the final picture was a good picture, though…  i don’t look fat or sweaty or like i have a double chin or like i’m bloated or anything… 

i ate dinner.  actually, if you want to be technical, i picked at some stuff…  i had a few pieces of honey ham, a few pieces of sliced chicken breast, a handful of salt and vinegar chips, a pickle, and an ice cream bar.  i feel really sick right now, but i can’t purge…  my mom’s doing some sewing at the kitchen table, and the bathroom is off the kitchen. and i am totally NOT a quiet, dainty purger…  she would hear me.  i can’t risk that because she’s not aware that i’m purging again…  as it is, i didn’t even tell dr. klim until last night…  i lied to her face at my last therapy session…

i wasn’t able to get my minipress script filled today (we didn’t have time, according to my mom), so now i have to wait until monday (if laura doesn’t mind going to wal-mart with me), unless my stimulus check comes in the mail tomorrow AND if i can get karrie to take me to wal-mart if it DOES come.  but that all depends on my stimulus check coming…  it was supposed to be here today, but it didn’t come.  the script is only $3, but i don’t have a way to get it filled, so i have to depend on others…  so this weekend will be filled with nightmares, much to my dismay…

ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE:  my mom called time warner (our cable provider) friday and signed up for the three-in-one package.  SO, as of july 10th, I’ll no longer be using a DIAL-UP connection for the internet!!!  i just have to pay the $30 a month road runner bill.  i can handle that!  it sucks that we have to wait until the 10th, but whatever…  my mom opted for the wireless thing, so she’ll be able to use her wireless card for her laptop.  she’s had the wireless card FOREVER!  it came with her laptop, but she has never been able to use it.  besides, by doing the three-in-one, we’re saving about $40 a month…  my dad totally went for it!  that pissed karrie off a little because she and i both advocated for road runner when she was still living here, and he wouldn’t go for it…  i don’t know why he suddenly changed his mind, but i’m NOT going to argue with him…