iammoosh's Journal

i saw my therapist (dr. klim) on may 27th, in the morning.  i told her that i haven't been taking my meds for about a month, that i've been abusing insane amounts of ipecac, about my friend jenni's suicide, and that i wasn't feeling so hot.  she recommended going inpatient somewhere, but i said i'd rather not; that i'd be okay.  i saw my eating disorder specialist (dr. alger) that afternoon.  i was 100% honest with her, too.  i told her the same things i told my therapist.  Dr. Alger called both the New York State Troopers and the Albany County Sheriffs on me a few hours after my appointment with her on May 27th (because she said she was “worried about my mental status based on what I told her at my appointment”), and I was brought to the Emergency Room at Albany Medical Center Hospital by a State Trooper.  He was really nice.  He told me about his family life and that two of his family members had suffered from eating disorders (his sister was anorexic and his cousin was bulimic), so he knew a little about what I was going through...  I went voluntarily, which I thought would be in my benefit.  I was wrong.  VERY wrong.  Once I got to the ER, I was put on suicide watch.  Someone sat in the exam room with me from 4pm until I was sent over to the local crisis center at 10pm.  I was at the crisis center (CDPC- Capital District Psychiatric Center) from 10pm until the following day (May 28th) at about 6pm.  I didn’t sleep at all.  They wouldn’t give me a cot or bed to lie on…  And I hadn’t had anything to eat since May 27th at 8am.  On May 28th, an ambulance took me to Samaritan Hospital, where I was examined by their crisis team.  They INVOLUNTARILY admitted me to the general psych floor.  I was more than willing to go voluntarily, but CDPC decided that I needed to be admitted as an involuntary patient so I couldn’t sigh myself out after 72 hours...  I was so angry and suicidal that I didn’t eat for the first four days I was there, and refused all the meds that the unit psychiatrist prescribed.  So they tubed me and gave me my meds via injection.  The tube only last 24 hours because I promised I’d eat.  That was June 1st.  I purged all my meals on June 2nd, which made my unit psychiatrist decide to put me in “public spaces” right by the nurse’s station for two hours after every meal and after taking my meds.  It really sucked.  But I didn’t cut the entire time I was there, although I had PLENTY of opportunities to do so, and I made a really good friend named Ann. 

 
I got discharged today at 3:30pm.  My youngest sister Karrie, her boyfriend Brett and Gavin (my 4-year-old nephew) came to pick me up, and they brought me to my dad’s church (he’s a pastor), where my mom and a few of the ladies were running a garage sale to raise money for the church’s food pantry.  My mom, Gavin (who’s spending the weekend with my parents and I) and me went to Wal-Mart to pick up some food I’ll eat (yogurt, fruit, vegetables, etc) and I got my medication scripts filled.  Now I’m back on Prozac (40mg in AM and at bedtime), Topamax for migraines (50mg in AM), Prilosec (although I prefer Nexium) (40mg in AM), Naltrexone to help with cutting urges (50mg in AM and at bedtime), Trazadone (400mg at bedtime), and my unit psychiatrist started me on Cymbalta (60mg in AM).  In all honestly, I feel 100% better than when I first got admitted.  I know recovery is not going to be perfect.  I know I’m going to have bad days.  I know that.  But I’m going to try my VERY HARDEST not to binge and purge and not to cut, and I’m going to stay on my meds.  They’re making a difference, and I can feel that difference.  I don’t like relying on meds to make me feel better, but if that’s what I need to do for the moment, I’m willing to do it.

My discharge plans are to go to Four Winds - Saratoga (where I’ve been inpatient about 30 times in the last 10 years) for an evaluation for their Intensive Outpatient ED Program, which runs Monday through Friday, 9am to 4pm.  That intake eval is next week (Wednesday) at 8:45am.  I also see my therapist (Dr. Klim) that same day, at 3:30pm.  And on Friday, June 16th, I have an appointment with Dr. Alger at 1:30pm.  I’ve already been accepted into the program at Four Winds, but I have to get labs and an EKG done before I can start.  I signed their ED contract today before I got discharged from Samaritan Hospital’s Psych ward this afternoon.

it looks like i'll be leaving for glory house in tulsa, OK but the end of the summer, if not sooner.  they won't let me fly down there until i get some tests done and get medical clearance fomr my family doc or my eating disorder specialist...