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  Prayer

  From mizmom6 November 13

  Choose, I just want to say that I appreciate your comments. I see a lot of pain and struggles in your life and your marriage, but you can get through this, especially through prayer. I can say this as a spouse who has overcome the pain through love and understanding, and without God, this wouldn't be possible. Hugs to you BOTH. Pray to feel His love for you, and keep climbing this mountain!

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  Hug

  From DrSuess November 8

  My hypothesis is that gay men have a higher rate of sexual abuse than straight men. Or, at least, they report it more.

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  Hug

  From SheenRe October 17

  Choose: Thanks for your response. As always it is appreciated. I know that God wants us to love others as much as we can. But, I think that loving someone does not always mean giving them what they want. Sometimes that can be very bad for them. Even He says that those He loves, He also chastizes. If he just let us go on Hell bent without calling attention to our path, we could never be redeemed. He draws our attention to our wrong, I think much like I would do when my daughter was wrong. I told her and disciplined her because I love her and want her to be doing the right things, not because I don't love her. So, I know that love doesn't always mean saying ok. It can mean saying absolutely not at times. Any allowance for repeating his behavior is not something that I will ever do. I don't think that would be good for either of us. I know that what he was doing was not only betraying me, but was a grevious sin. What would be gained of allowing that to continue? That would be enabling his path to judgment.
  
  I think you know that the main reason that I even gave my H any chance at all was because of my religious faith. As a woman, I wouldn't. I do believe that God wants us to try, even though I have been offered every right to a divorce. I have done as He wishes. I try. And, as far as my Hs eternal life, I would wish that my H is redeemed forever. But, just because I release my right to leave, doesn't mean that I can feel right with him anymore. I don't know that I can't in time. But, I do know that I will never love him the same way again. That is impossible for me. And, I've given it enough time to know that the wounds he inflicted created scars that are deep and permanent. So, I know that if he never returns to his old ways, not even once, that I can give him what I have left to give. But, that is all. He could never expect that I could feel the same. He knows that I can't. And he accepts that. He is willing, as am I, to just accept what is left of the love we once shared...or at least I thought we did.
  
  Just because someone is sorry doesn't mean they can undo the destruction they created. For instance, if someone was drunk, drove a car, and killed a family, would all the sorrow in the world ever bring them back? No. Sometimes we do things that we can never undo. My H did something to me inside that he can never undo. I feel sorry for him, and I feel sorry for me. But, I do think that's the truth of it. I can give only what I have left. The other part died inside me when I saw what he was doing and how he felt about me. That can't be helped. so, I figure God didn't want me to have that feeling...and I intend to let it go. I am in that process now.
  
  As far as the sex thing. Looking at sex as my H did, it has little or no importance to me anymore. It meant someting entirely different to me. I don't deny him. But, it isn't the same for me now. That is a large part of what I lost...that desire...that feeling of loving. It seems somehow ugly to me in many ways now and that isn't conducive to desire for me at all. You see, the things he was looking at and lusting about were disgusting to me on many levels. And that will always be true. In order to get addicted, he had to first desire that thing. So, which came first, the chicken or the egg?
  
  I know that for whatever reason, God wanted me to know what my H was doing. Perhaps it was to save him from judgment in time. If so, what I have lost is payment for that redeeming. And then, so be it.
  
  You seem to think that thinking will restore my feelings. Those feelings are emotional and deep. It seems that no amount of thought will ever erase the knowledge I acquired when I saw, with my own eyes what he was doing. That image, those images, are burned into my heart and they left their scars and sorrow.
  
  I love him, as we are required to do, that doesn't necessarily include desire. That is an entirely different kind of love isn't it? And that is the one that got the beating. That I know of, there is nothing whatsoever I can do about that.

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  Hug

  From SheenRe October 15

  Choose: I don't know about many kinds of things. Though I have studied both religion and psychology for a really long time. And yet, in all that study, I fail in many regards. The fact that I should feel any pain at all regarding the actions of another proves that beyond all question to me now.
  
  Pertaining to thing Biblical, I do know that Jesus, our example, was a very pained and sorrowful person before he died that day. He was certainly not a happy camper here either. He had suffered much at the hands of others. So, we shouldn't expect any better treatment. I should have remembered that. I do now. And, he said to remember that if they hated him, they would hate us too. I don't really expect that pointing out morality will ever get me any friends.
  
  I had just done, up to this point, my best to live it myself. The ol "living example" thing. The ol "practise what we preach" thing. I have worked hard at that...and I hope that I will be able to continue to do that some day. But, I do know now that if and when I do, I will do it differently than I have. Because I see that didn't work. I'm not sure what does just yet. I'll have to hit the book again and study.
  
  I also know that I will never love the same way again ever. I found the folly of that. And, that is probably a very good thing in all reality. The Bible says that we are not to lean on others, because they'll fail us, that only God can be relied upon for any good thing. And, I know that I trusted my H too much and gave him too much of my love. I should have known better than to do that. There is little good in humankind, self included. Jesus seemed to know just how much we needed to be pitied for our lack of inner fortitude, he mentioned it often in sorrow. He knew we don't know what were doing. Were just not keen enough to know. He did though say, take up your cross and follow me. Which means probably that we will also be very sorrowful, if were not already, before we leave here. So, in that regard we aren't alone. He suffered too.
  
  

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  Gold Star

  From SheenRe October 14

  Choose: thank you so much for your considerate words and your prayers. I do believe they are finally working for both my H and myself. I'll be praying for you too1 I hope all is well with you and yours! You've helped soooo much. I hope you pat yourself on the back...you deserve it! And, you know that doesn't come easy from me! Ha!

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