What really hurts is when u think …
What really hurts is when u think your friends actually care, then thry fuck you over and your left wondering what YOU …
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So...last night was my best friends birthday celebration. I was extremely nervous to go out because I would be seeing a lot of friends that I had been ignoring due to my weight-gain. Gonna be honest....the worst part was getting dressed. I had nothing to wear, so I just threw on an old outfit...black of course....and I felt embarrassed. All of my friends were in beautiful party dresses and I was not. That's when I really realized what I had done to myself. When I lost my weight....I felt stunning and so sexy all the time. Now I feel ugly and embarrassed to be out. I traded in my pride, health and confidence....for food??!!?? You have got to be kidding me!! That's when I realized all of my eating when I felt alone was only making my situation worse. I was putting myself deeper and deeper into my own misery.
One of my good friends was in from out of town to party with us for my best friends birthday, and she has also struggled with her weight. I told her about my feelings of being embarrassed and how I wish she could have seen how I looked only a month ago. She told me to hang on strong...and to do it for me....not for anyone else. Don't listen to the people around me. People are always gonna have opinions and try to give their own ideas and judge. You need to really believe and know what you want and how you feel, and you need to officially decide about the way you're gonna get there.
Another friend (who i've never gotten that close with....we're kinda just friends of friends) works at one of 2 upper-scale fitness centers in our city. She too has an addiction to food (yes...I said addiction....I am realizing my issues...this is huge!! lol) and always tried to relate to me....but she always seems to do it at the wrong time. Last night...when I was socializing with a friend I hadn't seen in a while...decided to talk to me about my successes and failure. She told me how she can see i'm struggling and that I'm doing it all wrong...and now she wants to take control!!! (What the heck??? Who do you think you are?) When she was lecturing me about health and that my trainer has it allll wrong...I interrupted her and told her she was wrong. I told her my trainer was doing an amazing job, it was just me who lost focus. I'm the one who hurt my progress, and that I am the one in control. I told her that I appreciate her concern, but that her opinions had no place there. She shut up quick after that. When I told my best friends about this encounter...they reminded me of how successful I was, and that this little slip was nothing....it's just gonna make me appreciate my success that much more. (Those 5 friends are amazing and I love them to death).
So...after all of this blabber....I have realized a) I got fat and need to get thin again, b) I need to stay focused....figure out my plan and my morals in my weight-loss...how I plan on making it all happen, and c) I should only listen to me....no one else. Please are gonna judge and try to bring you down...but if I truly believe what I am doing...i'll be able to get there....no problemo!!
Today is gonna be a good day. I think i've found my light at the end of this dark dark tunnel i've been in for the past 2 weeks. I'm popping open "The Secret" and reminding myself that my thoughts are a force that will push me. If I can hold it in my mind....I can hold it in my hand.
One of my good friends was in from out of town to party with us for my best friends birthday, and she has also struggled with her weight. I told her about my feelings of being embarrassed and how I wish she could have seen how I looked only a month ago. She told me to hang on strong...and to do it for me....not for anyone else. Don't listen to the people around me. People are always gonna have opinions and try to give their own ideas and judge. You need to really believe and know what you want and how you feel, and you need to officially decide about the way you're gonna get there.
Another friend (who i've never gotten that close with....we're kinda just friends of friends) works at one of 2 upper-scale fitness centers in our city. She too has an addiction to food (yes...I said addiction....I am realizing my issues...this is huge!! lol) and always tried to relate to me....but she always seems to do it at the wrong time. Last night...when I was socializing with a friend I hadn't seen in a while...decided to talk to me about my successes and failure. She told me how she can see i'm struggling and that I'm doing it all wrong...and now she wants to take control!!! (What the heck??? Who do you think you are?) When she was lecturing me about health and that my trainer has it allll wrong...I interrupted her and told her she was wrong. I told her my trainer was doing an amazing job, it was just me who lost focus. I'm the one who hurt my progress, and that I am the one in control. I told her that I appreciate her concern, but that her opinions had no place there. She shut up quick after that. When I told my best friends about this encounter...they reminded me of how successful I was, and that this little slip was nothing....it's just gonna make me appreciate my success that much more. (Those 5 friends are amazing and I love them to death).
So...after all of this blabber....I have realized a) I got fat and need to get thin again, b) I need to stay focused....figure out my plan and my morals in my weight-loss...how I plan on making it all happen, and c) I should only listen to me....no one else. Please are gonna judge and try to bring you down...but if I truly believe what I am doing...i'll be able to get there....no problemo!!
Today is gonna be a good day. I think i've found my light at the end of this dark dark tunnel i've been in for the past 2 weeks. I'm popping open "The Secret" and reminding myself that my thoughts are a force that will push me. If I can hold it in my mind....I can hold it in my hand.
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WOW, good for you for being so assertive with that friend of a friend. (She's definitely no friend of yours judging from that behavior...) You are doing great already, by being so confident even when you are feeling less than great about yourself physically. You seem like a very strong person, and I know you will succeed in getting yourself to a healthy weight eventually because of that strength, even if you do have a few slip ups along the way.
I like your attitude when you say "Today is gonna be a good day." That's the kind of thing that you can make happen just by saying it and truly thinking it 99 times out of 100. I hope you have a lot of good days :)
I'm curious what you believe led to your eating in the past? I know for me, knowledge as far as figuring this out has definitely been power. For me, my latest little fiasco was gaining 10 pounds FAST (as in, in about a month) when I started nursing school, then slowly putting on another 5-6 or so over the course of the next couple of months. Obviously the action that led to that was ridiculous amounts of overeating, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out. But knowing the reasons why I chose to do that to my body were just as important, as you've figured out for yourself already. For me, I know the key things that led me to get out of control were: disappointment, anger, loneliness, uncertainty and stress. (Not that it's intuitively obvious why any of these things would result from starting nursing school.... but just trust me on this, I'll explain the whole chain of events sometime when you have a good half hour to spare if you really want to know ;).) So I'm curious if you have a good idea of what happened with you. What emotions led you to lose control of your eating? What circumstances? Etc?
NK08
First off...I thank you for your post! Having someone praise me on my strength feels great, especially since i've been feeling very weak.
To be honest...I know exactly what lead me to eating more...and I hate to admit it but it's disappointment, anger, lonliness...and it all refers back to someone who hurt me, my "friend" Jason. (I hate that it's a guy because I reeeaaaallllyyyyy don't want to be that girl, but some how I feel into his trap). He made me feel amazing...we just clicked....but he decided to be with someone else, rather than me. And that really hurt, because I made false hopes about how we could be together...and it just all feel apart. We don't speak anymore....or rarely do...and he thinks we've ended on okay-terms...but i'm not happy. And not having him around has made me feel so little and worthless....even though I have amazing family and friends....not having his focus on me has made me feel like garbage....and like any emotional eater....when I feel like shit, I turn to the friend that has always been there for me; food. I can't say that it's all of his fault, or any guys fault, because it isn't, it's mine too. I put to much of my heart into it....maybe I didn't see the signs of it not working...or maybe I was just reading them wrong....but it still affected me. I've felt abandoned and just dropped....and i've never had to deal with these emotions...and I guess I just had no idea what to do with those feelings....so I just tried to silence them with food....but in the end...the emotions just come back...with even more strength.
I must say, I do feel stronger. I've spoken to my friends about this...who know me and the man well....and they saw us together. He did treat me amazing, and did make it seem as if something more was gonna come out of our relationship....so I was not crazy (thank goodness!!)...but it's disappointing to lose that with someone. I just felt so lost about it...the stress, lonliness...all of it...felt horrible....so like in the past...I just took the food to make me feel better....but clearly it didn't work....because now the food is showing up on my body!! And everyone can see my pain...it's on my waist...and in my cheeks.
I know i'm better than all of this, and that I deserve better than all of this. I deserve to find the one who really appreciates me for who I am and sees my real beauty, I just think I have to find it for myself first.
Ash0427
i know hwo that feels when it suddenly hits you why you do something, you know some people think that thye have a right to tell you what to do, an old told me, after i told her that im struggling to make new friends, she said just grow up up and make friends, which destroyed me, so what im saying its grea that you have realised what the matter, you should be proud that you went to the birthday celebrations, so build on that, get the focus back and the weight will drop off, im in the same position, need to loe weight especially when im going back to university in late september! good luck. xxx
shaz191185
Dear Ash, You must strike a balence between yourself and food. Eating as an emotional release just causes you more problems then it is worth and you have to fight the weight gain much much longer than the binge.
When upset try journaling, not here but in a private journal that only you see. Let out the emotions on paper and see if you can sub that for a binge? Before you laugh, try it once and see if it helps. This may be simple but it is effective. Eric
weinere46
Thank you so much for replying...you make me feel amazing and that people really do care xox
Ash0427
Hi New Friend!!!
Well, I have to say that I honestly think you look amazing, and you should be damn proud of yourself. I would give anything to be your weight right now, I have so much to lose. But for sure, it's about being happy with your body, not about your actual weight right? My goal is to get to your weight, I havent been there in so long, but I came close and I blew it. I'm sorry about that ignorant friend you have, I dont know where people get off. Good for you in blowing her off, and putting her in her place. You have a wonderful attitude. Man, I have to say so many of your exact thoughts about hiding from friends, wearing black....they are tough to deal with huh? I feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one who feels like that.
Keep up the good work, and absolutely, just listen to yourself, and that's the right way to go!!!
Emma :)
Emma69