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basketnrse 
4:36pm, October 13, 2008
Well, I sat here and wrote a very long ramble yesterday, and I must have not saved it, so it's not here. I cannot even attempt to duplicate it, so I'll just go on with whatever is on my mind today.
There was a time in my life, where I had the bull by the horns. Everything I did was successful, I wish I'd allowed my self to appreciate it at the time. There is something to be said for, "living in the moment." That is my new goal, allowing myself to live in the moment, and to appreciate what I have.
I have a wonderful husband, who loves me so much. He has never given up on me, and has been by my side through everthing. Mind you, he and I haven't always agreed, and when he was younger, he was a wimp about certain things, but he loved me then - and he loves me now. I have found that I love him more and more each day. I think when he was diagnosed with colon cancer this past March, I realized that I could loose him, so I try to enjoy him every single day.
I have homework and phone calls and crap to do, so i have to go for now.
Some ramblings from an extremely sad lady:
Sometimes things just get too hard to deal with. I don't know who or when, but somewhere there is a list of major losses, or is it stresses, in a person's life. I vaguely remember something about the number of these losses, that stack upon each other, usually make or break a person.
Well, I'm broke. Have you ever been over 100 pounds overweight, then lost a whole bunch of weight real fast, but you're still waaay over weight? Then you look in a mirror, and you see you skin hanging where fat once was? I feel like a freak, i've lost too much weight in a short period of time, and now I wish I could just take a scissors and cut off the hanging skin. I have so much more weight to loose, and I fear I will look even worse. And... this weight loss is no plan of mine, it's just happening because I can't eat. Meat makes me want to puke; breads, rice and cereals feel too heavy and make me feel sick; veggies and fruits is all I want... OR CHOCOLATE!! (which actually is kinda funny to me an just made me smile to type it)
My losses are piling on tho. Timeline:
1. August 2007 - My baby brother died suddenly of an apparent heart attack.
2. October 2007 - Was terminated (for the first time in my freakin life) from the best job I ever had, because I had taken FMLA after my brother died, to help care for my terminally ill mother, and damn if they weren't happy because she didn't die within my 90 day FMLA deadline. I was actually told that this termination was not personal, but it was a business decision. Seriously??? SERIOUSLY????
3. January 2008 - After 3 years of fighting ovarian AND breast cancer, my mother finally died, in her home, with my father, sister and I at her bedside. It was the single most horrifying event of my life, to watch my mother take her last breath!
4. March 2008 - My husband of 30 years was diagnosed with colon cancer. ARE YOU SHITTING ME??? WHAT??? WHEN IS THIS GOING TO STOP???????
SO YEAH... life sucks...
