Journal

Well, had the best chance yesterday to tell this lady that I was not going to be able to drive her anymore and chickened out.  Consequently, I have to drive her around tomorrow.  DAM!   It is so hard to HAVE to go out.  I am already freaking out about it.  So, in order to keep my cool I am going to plan on stopping by the vet ad picking up food and meds for my kitties.

Hopefully that will help.  Kinda takes my mind off the "having to go out" issue.  I hate how this feels.  And it is so dam hard to explain to people.  

Well, finally Mom is on the mends.  It has been a long and scary time for both of us.  She has been so very sick.  It was the cold for hell.  There is really nothing that can be done for one of these except cough syrup, fluids and rest.

But when you are almost 85 a cold like this is bad news.

I am finally 100%, but just now.  I have had the hand on cough that I thought would never go away.  Mom is 1 week behind me in recovery so I hate she is going to have this long lasting cough before she gets well. 

Things like this knock old people on their asses.  It has been so hard on me.  I have been so scared and stressed.  I have had an escalation of my symptoms and lost some very valuable ground in my progress towards advancing my ability to go outside.  I guess it is the old 1 step forward and 2 steps back. 

My depression has increased some what, but I am thinking it is just due to being overly stressed and tired and scared.

So I am going to just wait it out.  I know I will perk up once I can relax.  That is something I have not been able to do in some time.  Plan on starting right now LOL

Mother is finally beginning to show signs of getting better.  I finally managed to get her up in her recliner yesterday and took to chance to completely strip her bedding, wash her clothes ,dust her world and she did surprisingly well.  She was up for a long time.  Just hope it was not to much for her.  Since she is still asleep I don't know yet how she feels.

I am finally 95% over this cold from hell.  I would not wish this on my worst enemy---it is a horrid cold!

Spend this morning on the webcam with my grandbaby and it is just amazing to me that it can even be done.  She is growing up so fast.

There is one  "bad"  in my life right now.  This being sick has set me WAY back in trying to get this agoraphobia under control.  I have not left the house in 2 weeks.  Now I NEED to go out for food and the panic/anxiety is raging.  Worse than ever before.  I just want to crawl under the bed.  I am sleeping more and more---my way of avoiding the world.  Can't go outside if I'm sleeping, right?     I had been doing so well before I got sick and now  I'm worse than ever.  Oh Well!  Guess I am just going to start all over again.