Journal

Well, the husband is stuck in Houston. He's been there several days since he is driving OTR now and is waiting for another run somewhere. He's miserable, while I'm happy. How nice to have him and all his issues miles and miles away.

For the first time in years, I wanted to have all my kids home to celebrate the 4th and cook out. I'm normally so drained that I have no energy left and don't want the added stress of having people over, even my own children! What an amazing transformation and revelation to me. Children are my passion, why else would I teach in this day and age? Yet I've denied myself my passion for his sake. Hard to say that out loud, but this is the lesson I needed to learn.

My daughters and I cooked great food, went out to see fireworks. Took a plate to my son, who was working. When he got off we all sat around, laughing, telling stories and enjoying ourselves into the late hours. My oldest daughter didn't leave until 12:30 and I got into bed around 1:00am. I slept better than I have in weeks and feel so refreshed and peaceful today.

Dear friends, never allow another to take your joy and passion in life. Look to God for strength and guidance, not another person. Our time on this earth is short and you never know what lie ahead. Make the most of everyday and appreciate love, kindness, and generousity wherever you may find it.

Love and light to each and everyone...

E~

What a wild ride. Too much to even begin to write. Short story is that my husband was fired and since he worked for the government, has Federal charges pending against him. They may let him go, but have a five year window to press charges. Talk about a dark cloud over his head. I'd like to say he's totally innocent, but since he has a pattern of lying to me. I can never really be sure.

You would think that he would learn a life lesson from all this stuff, but no...I still caught him lying to me again about another women. Will he or I ever learn? Don't have an answer to that yet. But I am taking it one day at a time and trying to keep my focus on me and not him.

In that spirit, I'm looking for another job. Tough economy to find work, but I keep looking and I'm transferring to a new university. Since he is unemployed it works out well for financial aide. I never qualified before and it is nice to be able to take more classes and not worry about how to pay for them all for once.

I alternate between being happy that my hand has been forced and I must to come to terms with my miserable marriage and being desperately unhappy and worried about my future. Main goal is to stay focused and positive. It's the only way to survive this craziness. I have no other choice.

E~