buffy1981's Journal

It's very hard for me at the moment to go about my daily life like nothing has happened,  when it has. I mean I am studying and doing pretty well at it, if I do say so myself. It just seems that it's going to be for nothing. I mean will I even be capable of holding a job?

I feel like I am holding everyone back from their full potential. Bad lick wasn't something I thought  to be real but now I wonder if thats what I am. Maybe bad luck is ME!

I know this sounds stupid, yet here I am writing it. I feel cursed or doomed. Maybe both and it gets to the point where I don't know if I can be of use to anyone, especially my kids. I still live with my mum and truthfully I don't think that is the worst thing that could happen, still I do wish I were strong enogh to do the right thing and move out. Perhaps then things will be easier for everyone and I do mean EVERYONE if I were dead, but I can't even do that right!