Journal

What do I have to offer the world,corection what do I have to offer my family. I can't control my kids, I am a disappointment to my mum. Heck I can't even get the guts to support myself and my boys. I am a disappointment to everyone around me. I don't want to sound too pathetic (Too late) it's just that everyone already knows/thinks that I am a sorry excuse of a mum and it hurts because it's true.

I am scared of everything, I can't trust my own judgment anymore. I am really forgetful and most people don't believe me when I forget something because I forget so much it's not funny.

It's very hard for me at the moment to go about my daily life like nothing has happened,  when it has. I mean I am studying and doing pretty well at it, if I do say so myself. It just seems that it's going to be for nothing. I mean will I even be capable of holding a job?

I feel like I am holding everyone back from their full potential. Bad lick wasn't something I thought  to be real but now I wonder if thats what I am. Maybe bad luck is ME!

I know this sounds stupid, yet here I am writing it. I feel cursed or doomed. Maybe both and it gets to the point where I don't know if I can be of use to anyone, especially my kids. I still live with my mum and truthfully I don't think that is the worst thing that could happen, still I do wish I were strong enogh to do the right thing and move out. Perhaps then things will be easier for everyone and I do mean EVERYONE if I were dead, but I can't even do that right!