westwind's Journal

I've come the the realization that the upcoming move from NC isn't as frightening as I had thought...yes, still changing the adult diapers every five minutes but something dawned on me and that is I haven't had a "home" in the past four years.

Yes, I've had a roof over my head and shelter from the elements but not a place to call home. That dump I stayed at in Asheville was as far from calling something home as possible, and my last three years at the farm have provided me with shelter and warmth and coolness but little else. Nothing has even come close to feeling like home, a place that one is welcomed, feels safe and generally enjoys coming...home...to!

I think coming to this thought process will decrease the total freak-out syndrome that I had last time I tried escaping NC. I was so use to having a place that I felt welcome and comfortable but that place doesn't exist anymore...even though I'm living back in the same place I had for eight years prior to my leaving in 2005.

I sat down over two weeks ago and started composing a letter to my cousin and his wife about my departure from their home and it just flowed...like silk. I took the high road because with all of their arrogance it wouldn't do a damn bit of good to s-p-e-l-l i-t a-l-l o-u-t for them. It would be a mute point. So, I stated that I was leaving with some very hidden digs that might or might not give them a pause to stop and think, but I don't think that will happen. And then I realized why the first escape didn't take. I hadn't learned a very valuable lesson and that is the southern trait of being sappy sweet to someone's face while the minute you turn your back, they're there stabbing you in the back with a huge knife. If any southern reads this and get offended, then I'm sorry, but you have to admit it is wide spread in the southeast and a way of life and part of your so called charm. As I've been told by many southern's in the past. So, I learned that lesson and I finally found out what a June Bug is down here so all is well and it's time to pack up and leave.  

I do have a home, only this time it has four wheels and will have a tent. I can move on whenever I so desire and there will be no ties that bind or family to put up with. Life will be mine once again, first time in over 11 years. Plus this time I have my buddy along with me so we will take care of each other!