fightingfish's Journal

im tryna make amends.. sick of these fake friends
everything will get better, but the question is when?
how much of my life am i willing to spend?
fuckin around, gettin high.. i guess it depends..
getting off of heroin, has been the hardest thing in my life..
having several months clean.. then gettin high for a night
then feelin shitty the next day.. cuz i couldnt say no
you aint my bro, if u know, that im tryna stay strait..
.. but u still offered me dope.. some percocet or some dones..
takin ecstacy.. then ask me to roll..
but i think u should know..that im done livin that way..
it caused me too much pain.. feelin mentally strained..
feelin physically drained.. a chemically dependant brain..
i dont expect everyone to understand.. the way that ive changed..
i might never be the same.. in your eyes or my own..
only way i can escape.. is by writing these flows..
you can call it a poem.. you can call me an addict..
call me whatever you want..i'll continue to manage..
dont wanna be my friend, thats fine.. its your loss
everybody has a past.. youre not as perfect as you thought..
all u fake fucks pretend.. but ur on the verge of being caught
but i aint bitchmade like u.. i wouldnt put you on the spot..
judge you for what u've done.. that would make me just as wrong..
ima be the bigger person.. just keep on writin, makin songs..
cuz i've been clean for a while, but it dont seem like that long..
all i can do.. is keep movin on..
the urges will never be gone.. and i still smoke the chron..
still get my drink on and smoke outta bongs..
But thats not all that i live for.. the kid has got goals...
ive gotten closer to god after drugs ripped out my soul..
so this is for the kids smokin bowls.. the strippers on poles..
keep ya head up and keep moving..never give in or fold..