heartsofcandy's Journal

I define betrayal as any experience which produces guilt, resentment, anger, fear or helplessness. To me the confusion comes when you want to let it go,  or you want to believe that "they did the best they could," so you shouldn't feel trapped and demeaned. How you respond to a betrayal experience will make a huge difference in how you choose to see your life, and will be mirrored in all your relationships, including your feelings about yourself.

Has someone you deeply trusted ever betrayed you? Whether the acts were deliberate, accidental, or just a misunderstanding, the hurt, resentment and fear linger for years. I know it will for me because I totally trusted this woman. Someone has betrayed me and I never ever thought this person could be so cold, mean and literally a down right thief. Those are harsh words for a harsh person.

I do know that I can't act "as if" all were forgiven. I will always hold a shield over my heart, not trusting. And that limits emotional intimacy I'm fully aware of that but I can't fake trust.

What is Trust? I believe that trust requires faith in the basic integrity of someone. We must also acknowledge that there are times we need to separate a person from his/her actions: be angry at the action while loving the being. That is one of the hardest things I think a person can possibly do. It also helps to recognize that trust and love are not the same. You can love someone, but feel you cannot trust them.


I think most people think that when they forgive that means they have some obligation to  to let the betrayer back into their life....not me. I don't feel that obligation at all.