a man who loves to chat n interact with all
hiiii am john from india,u can always call me at 9895084807i am here to share your hapyness,sorrows,,,,,,
Join Now
joylei 
9:38pm Sunday
Isn't it funny how I can deal with hundreds of people in a day and not one of them ever have the slightest idea that I feel like I'm dying inside. That insomnia and depression are slowly killing me and I'm powerless to stop it. That the only person I can never fool with my fake happy face is myself. My whole life I've been the one who rarely complained, who wanted to help other people. Why is it that I can never ask for the help I truly need? Who could even help me anyway? Who can take away a lifetime of hurt and anger and lonliness? Who can tell me how to forgive and let go? Who even cares?
One person in my life has ever seen beneath the fake smile I wear everyday. He knows my deepest secrets and together we're helping each other with the hurt. Rather, I feel I'm doing nothing but taking when he might need help too. I feel like I'm drowning in the pain and even the one person in my life who knows the pain, is just being pulled down with me. I was stupid though, I fell in love with him. He doesn't love me though, not the way I love him. If not for him though, I wouldn't have made it this far. I would have given up and given in to taking the easy way out. I'm afraid if I show him the "real me" all the time, he'll get scared away and not even be my friend anymore. I know he would never do that intentionally, but I can't take the risk.
The smile is fake, the pain is so unbelivebly real. There's nothing I can do to let it go and live like a normal person. I can't hide it, I can't outrun it.
Comments
You might also like ...
Dating again after being in Love
I have been back out there dating for about three months.I was dating someone before that off and on for about 9 …
Someone...PLEASE HELP ME/US!!!!!!! …
Someone...PLEASE HELP ME/US!!!!!!! I am a 32 yr. old male that (since early last fall) has completely …
sorry to hear that your in so much pain. you need to tell others how you feel. they will not be able to see through your facade. you are in my prayers.
boomer67
Oh Joy! ? You're right,,,, I had no idea you were in so much pain. Let us help you,,,, Please.....
markat425
We are all here for each other... that means we are here for you as well. No one can "take the pain away" although we may be able to ease it for you. The purpose of sharing with someone is to have help in carrying the heavy burden you are carrying by yourself now. The 'easy way out' is always tempting but you have to think past the pain- at all the things you'll miss if you leave this world for whatever waits beyond. So many of us care for you- you are not alone.
Nytwolf
Thank you guys, I really mean it. Sometimes being alone is the hardest part of all, but I know you guys will always be here to listen. It has to get better soon, I know it. It's just too hard right now.
joylei
He tossed me to the curb. He doesn't want me anymore. I knew it would come one day, I just didn't know it was going to be now. He still wants to be friends of course, but apparently would like to start screwing my friend soon. (when we agreed on complete honesty I never imagined this). He was the only person in my entire life to ever give a damn or even tell me he loved me...ever. And he doesn't want me. I wish I knew why. I'm sick of the rejection, literally. What's wrong with me that no one in my life has ever wanted me? How am I so bad? It hurts more than I thought it would. I was even sent home from work because I looked so terrible. I can't take anything else.
joylei
there is nothing the matter with you, if anything there is something messed up with him.
DAREDUDE
Sounds like you're terribly depressed. Therapy can help. I too suffer from grief, especially since Mom,my best friend,died. Exercise and meditation work wonders too! Good Luck.
asadheart