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hazellbaby 
6:09pm, September 9, 2009
did you forget? (martine)
Did you forget I need you?
Because I can't find my way
I built my world around you
I don't know how to live this way.
Did you forget I want you?
Because no matter who I see
There is no one that compares to you
You're the only one for me.
Did you forget I crave you?
Because I'm left here all alone
I have no arms to hold me tight
And no one to call my own.
Did you forget you have me?
Because my heart's still in your hands
I'd give up everything for you
I'm still your biggest fan.
Did you forget I trust you?
Because I gave you all of me
From the first moment that my eyes met yours
You were the only one I see.
Did you forget the good things?
And think the bad would be too rough
Were you afraid of taking risks
Thinking love won't be enough?
Did you forget to hold on?
I would have stayed right by your side
I wonder where my love has gone
There's been so many nights I've cried.
Did you forget I love you?
Because I do, more than I say
I'm still praying that this all will change
I still miss you every day.
I DID’NT THNK I COULD (martine)
I didn't think i could
But I found out all too well
That my heart can cry it's own tears
It's like an endless well.
I didn't know it could
But it's a lesson I can teach
That my hand can cry it's own tears
Because you're beyond it's reach.
I didn't think it could
But now I've come to see
My body can cry it's own tears
Because you're not holding me.
I didn't think it could
But now I surely know
My mind can cry it's own tears
I guess it hasn't let you go.
I didn't think it could
But to this conclusion I must come
My soul can cry it's own tears
Because I've lost my only one.
I always knew they could
Because they do it everyday
My eyes are burning with the tears
Of seeing you go away
NOBODY KNOWS (me and martine)
Nobody knows it's empty
This smile that I wear
The real one is left in the past
Because you have left me there.
Nobody knows I'm crying
They won't even see my tears
When they think that I am laughing
I'm still wishing you were here.
Nobody knows I'm lying
When I say I'm moving on
They think that I've accepted it
But I can't believe you're gone.
Nobody knows it's different
They think I'm just the same
But still I weaken at the knees
When someone says your name.
Nobody knows it's painful
They think that I am strong
They say that this won't kill me
But I wonder if they're wrong.
Nobody knows I'm praying
That you will change your mind
They think that I had let you go
When you left me behind.
Nobody knows I miss you
They think I feel set free
But I feel like I'm bound with chains
Trapped in this misery.
Nobody knows I want you
They think that I'm alright
But I'm still dancing with you
When I'm dreaming in the night.
Nobody knows I need you
They say I can do it on my own
But they don't know I'm crying
When I am all alone.
fluently futile (hazell)
my mouth can speak fathoms,
just to try and help you understand,
alas eventually I become blue in the face,
my efforts are futile,
fluently futile,
my hands can speak for days,
weeks worth of trees used,
simply to get a message across,
fluently futile efforts,
only a retard could refuse to understand,
.... oh yeah, I forgot....
please excuse my bitterness,
I promise it stems from pain and not anger,
please have patience with my depression,
although its only shown with that cry,
a deep, heartfelt cry,
that comes from the very core of a persons soul,
only when their world is upturned and shaken,
when the carpet is pulled from underneath their feet,
my tears speak for more than my hands or my moth could ever account for,
silent and deep,
just simply trying not to wake you with "the irritating that is Hazell"
the look in your eyes reminds me of why I will never be what you had hoped me to be,
the venom from your mouth tells me to simply stop bothering,
and the touch from you hands explains to me exactly what it is I am worth to you,
and the rest of the world,
a white girl with a promising body,
ass for days and hips for weeks,
a constant ghetto glimmer of who and what I was raised by
maybe I can learn to be fluent in idiot- lingo, or maybe I can learn to suck it up and deal with it
lord knows you will never change
just to try and help you understand,
alas eventually I become blue in the face,
my efforts are futile,
fluently futile,
my hands can speak for days,
weeks worth of trees used,
simply to get a message across,
fluently futile efforts,
only a retard could refuse to understand,
.... oh yeah, I forgot....
please excuse my bitterness,
I promise it stems from pain and not anger,
please have patience with my depression,
although its only shown with that cry,
a deep, heartfelt cry,
that comes from the very core of a persons soul,
only when their world is upturned and shaken,
when the carpet is pulled from underneath their feet,
my tears speak for more than my hands or my moth could ever account for,
silent and deep,
just simply trying not to wake you with "the irritating that is Hazell"
the look in your eyes reminds me of why I will never be what you had hoped me to be,
the venom from your mouth tells me to simply stop bothering,
and the touch from you hands explains to me exactly what it is I am worth to you,
and the rest of the world,
a white girl with a promising body,
ass for days and hips for weeks,
a constant ghetto glimmer of who and what I was raised by
maybe I can learn to be fluent in idiot- lingo, or maybe I can learn to suck it up and deal with it
lord knows you will never change
the other woman (hazell)
the other woman...
shes everything I am
everything I was
and everything I'm not,
she was there for him when I was not
when I refused to be
when the Gods said "fucc no you wont" when I begged them relentlessly to let me be
shes got the body,
the face,
the ass,
the boobs,
the tiny waist,
the nice eyes,
the moves,
the guts,
the mystery,
the cleverness,
the new and fresh,
shes got the nasty,
she spreads her legs
to make her money,
shes a con artist,
shes what I could have been,
had I chosen that route,
I got offered $50,000
to work one year
letting people toss my salad,
she does it for 20$ a pop,
shes only 17
a lost little girl,
with no hope,
no dreams,
no love,
no life,
no parents,
lonely,
cold,
abandoned...
shes what I could have been....
I got the brains,
I have the talent,
I have the potential,
I have the guts,
and the glory,
I have his heart,
he has MY name on his arm,
he comes home to ME every night,
so why can she still terrify me with her words and her slutty ness?????
shes everything I am
everything I was
and everything I'm not,
she was there for him when I was not
when I refused to be
when the Gods said "fucc no you wont" when I begged them relentlessly to let me be
shes got the body,
the face,
the ass,
the boobs,
the tiny waist,
the nice eyes,
the moves,
the guts,
the mystery,
the cleverness,
the new and fresh,
shes got the nasty,
she spreads her legs
to make her money,
shes a con artist,
shes what I could have been,
had I chosen that route,
I got offered $50,000
to work one year
letting people toss my salad,
she does it for 20$ a pop,
shes only 17
a lost little girl,
with no hope,
no dreams,
no love,
no life,
no parents,
lonely,
cold,
abandoned...
shes what I could have been....
I got the brains,
I have the talent,
I have the potential,
I have the guts,
and the glory,
I have his heart,
he has MY name on his arm,
he comes home to ME every night,
so why can she still terrify me with her words and her slutty ness?????
danger (Hazell)
in danger...
of heartbreak
of having the carpet pulled out from under my feet
of loosing a war that I started
of loosing another ride or die homie
my brother used to tell us all the time... that if you keep knoccing on the devils door eventually someones going to answer.... we should have stopped knoccing
I'm used to the danger of little shit, like bee's and cops, and angry wrong colored bandanna wearing people with guns..... not like this
this wan just not supposed to happen this way. Martine was not supposed to hang himself, Monsty was not supposed to catch one meant for me, and my brother is not supossed to be in prison for the next 32 years, the cops are not supposed to know me by name and face, and I'm not supposed to have more balls than most of my big homies (sorry to say it)
I'm on my last life, I've been running hard in the title fight, and this is my last round... I've ehausted every possible option, and this right here is my last shot.
I'm doing everything I know to be right, everything I know to be worth it, and listening to my moralls, ethics, and better judgement.
For once in my long history of poor decision making, my heart, my head, and my standards are all one the same page. My pirde, my bitterness, and my disgusting habbits are slowly but surely fading from existance.
I'm actually starting to be proud of who I am. and thats good, cause I damn sho aint proud of who I was.
I spent years praying to a God I knew didnt give a fucc about me or anybody who shared my life and our colors. I always knew that if there was a god, so loving and tender, he would have made me cold.... made me numb...
of heartbreak
of having the carpet pulled out from under my feet
of loosing a war that I started
of loosing another ride or die homie
my brother used to tell us all the time... that if you keep knoccing on the devils door eventually someones going to answer.... we should have stopped knoccing
I'm used to the danger of little shit, like bee's and cops, and angry wrong colored bandanna wearing people with guns..... not like this
this wan just not supposed to happen this way. Martine was not supposed to hang himself, Monsty was not supposed to catch one meant for me, and my brother is not supossed to be in prison for the next 32 years, the cops are not supposed to know me by name and face, and I'm not supposed to have more balls than most of my big homies (sorry to say it)
I'm on my last life, I've been running hard in the title fight, and this is my last round... I've ehausted every possible option, and this right here is my last shot.
I'm doing everything I know to be right, everything I know to be worth it, and listening to my moralls, ethics, and better judgement.
For once in my long history of poor decision making, my heart, my head, and my standards are all one the same page. My pirde, my bitterness, and my disgusting habbits are slowly but surely fading from existance.
I'm actually starting to be proud of who I am. and thats good, cause I damn sho aint proud of who I was.
I spent years praying to a God I knew didnt give a fucc about me or anybody who shared my life and our colors. I always knew that if there was a god, so loving and tender, he would have made me cold.... made me numb...
yesterday, today, and tomorrow (hazell)
I held your hand yesterday,
I held it the same way today,
and I'll hold it the same way in the morning.
I kissed you with passion yesterday,
and the day before that, and the day, before that,
I kissed you in much the same way today,
and I'll kiss you longer, softer, and sweeter tomorrow.
I loved you unconditionally yesterday as a tweeker,
I love you as a pot head with your thumb in your ass today,
and I'll love you tomorrow night clean and sober becoming the man I know you to be.
I wiped your teears off your face a year ago,
I held you close and tight today while they fell,
and I'll cry with you and make you smile over lunch tomorrow.
I've gotten arrested,
and yelled out the window of the cop car "
follow me home and have a newport lit for me"
all because you forgot.
I've gotten into fights with your friends
becaue you dicc smelt like fish
and had to take a week off from school
because I broke my hand on her face.
I've been there every step of the way
no matter what,
up, down, in, out, and everywhere in between,
drunk, stoned, wired for sound, rollin, and sober
I loved you,
I still do,
and I can promise you I will tomorrow.
how could you start to question if I was going to sticc around or not.
"I love you baby, your my world and forever means just that"
where in that is there room for disloyalty,
or for turning your back on the man who holds your heart in his hands???
And if I was to leave, dont you think I would be back?
I love you,
realize,
or at least try to my dearest love,
that anyone who knows the meaning of
a blue bandanna in their bacc poccet
is true to their word and walks what the talk all the way out.
Dont ever think that I'll leave you.....
your smart enough to know better
I love you
I held it the same way today,
and I'll hold it the same way in the morning.
I kissed you with passion yesterday,
and the day before that, and the day, before that,
I kissed you in much the same way today,
and I'll kiss you longer, softer, and sweeter tomorrow.
I loved you unconditionally yesterday as a tweeker,
I love you as a pot head with your thumb in your ass today,
and I'll love you tomorrow night clean and sober becoming the man I know you to be.
I wiped your teears off your face a year ago,
I held you close and tight today while they fell,
and I'll cry with you and make you smile over lunch tomorrow.
I've gotten arrested,
and yelled out the window of the cop car "
follow me home and have a newport lit for me"
all because you forgot.
I've gotten into fights with your friends
becaue you dicc smelt like fish
and had to take a week off from school
because I broke my hand on her face.
I've been there every step of the way
no matter what,
up, down, in, out, and everywhere in between,
drunk, stoned, wired for sound, rollin, and sober
I loved you,
I still do,
and I can promise you I will tomorrow.
how could you start to question if I was going to sticc around or not.
"I love you baby, your my world and forever means just that"
where in that is there room for disloyalty,
or for turning your back on the man who holds your heart in his hands???
And if I was to leave, dont you think I would be back?
I love you,
realize,
or at least try to my dearest love,
that anyone who knows the meaning of
a blue bandanna in their bacc poccet
is true to their word and walks what the talk all the way out.
Dont ever think that I'll leave you.....
your smart enough to know better
I love you
(martine about claire)
Your eyes
which first held me captivated
where I stood.
Your smile
to dazzle the sun
and warm every corner of my soul.
Your voice
like a sparkling mountain stream
which flows into my heart.
Your walk
and the way your gracefulness
takes my breath away.
Your hair
about which I dreamed
cascading into my face
as you leaned over me.
Your hands
whose caress I crave
to hold my face
in their tenderness.
Your arms
I long to have around my neck
as you pull me close
to your warmth.
Most of all
everything you are
changed the way I feel about my life.
These are just words to describe my love..
I love you.
which first held me captivated
where I stood.
Your smile
to dazzle the sun
and warm every corner of my soul.
Your voice
like a sparkling mountain stream
which flows into my heart.
Your walk
and the way your gracefulness
takes my breath away.
Your hair
about which I dreamed
cascading into my face
as you leaned over me.
Your hands
whose caress I crave
to hold my face
in their tenderness.
Your arms
I long to have around my neck
as you pull me close
to your warmth.
Most of all
everything you are
changed the way I feel about my life.
These are just words to describe my love..
I love you.
