hazellbaby's Journal

in danger...
of heartbreak
of having the carpet pulled out from under my feet
of loosing a war that I started
of loosing another ride or die homie

my brother used to tell us all the time... that if you keep knoccing on the devils door eventually someones going to answer.... we should have stopped knoccing

I'm used to the danger of little shit, like bee's and cops, and angry wrong colored bandanna wearing people with guns..... not like this

this wan just not supposed to happen this way. Martine was not supposed to hang himself, Monsty was not supposed to catch one meant for me, and my brother is not supossed to be in prison for the next 32 years, the cops are not supposed to know me by name and face, and I'm not supposed to have more balls than most of my big homies (sorry to say it)

I'm on my last life, I've been running hard in the title fight, and this is my last round... I've ehausted every possible option, and this right here is my last shot.
    I'm doing everything I know to be right, everything I know to be worth it, and listening to my moralls, ethics, and better judgement.
 For once in my long history of poor decision making, my heart, my head, and my standards are all one the same page. My pirde, my bitterness, and my disgusting habbits are slowly but surely fading from existance.
I'm actually starting to be proud of who I am. and thats good, cause I damn sho aint proud of who I was.
I spent years praying to a God I knew didnt give a fucc about me or anybody who shared my life and our colors. I always knew that if there was a god, so loving and tender, he would have made me cold.... made me numb...