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e4now 
its 711am ive been up since 5....the kitties have been playing running laps around the place...i keep thinking about what my one to one counselor said about respid....going to a facility that will better monitor me so i wont hurt myself...they would taxi me to therepy so i wouldnt miss any appointments but it would devestate hubby to have me locked up somewhere rather than being home with him so im trying to battle my demons myself...its just that i want to hurt myself so bad the voices in my head are adiment that i do so...i want cindy to go to the back of the bus shes so scared of everything i cant funtion wheres amanda the go getter at??? i need her today i want to be happy for hubby not sad and withdrawn...Steve just wants me to cut and rebecca doesnt want me to talk with anyone im tired of being pulled in so many directions and then theres Lisa....she wants Scott to tie her to the bed and use and abuse her all day long...im trying to keep her under wraps but the cravings are getting strong again....i just hate myself so much these days i dont deserve to be happy....i dont deserve to live....just a waste of space i am...just a waste of space.
