its 954am i just shoveled snow with hubby i didnt sleep too well had dreams of missing the #74 bus i was up at 415am...snowing my tummy is in knots our driveway u cant see it im so scared but at least we dont have to go anywhere hubby is in the kitchen now preping his stew for the crock pot....i cant let him see me afraid it is beautiful when u are safe indoors but tomorrow i need to go to IOP to register for the new term....im scared to ride the big bus in this mess im afraid to walk from the plaza to spokane mental health....what if the sidewalks arent shoveled what if i fall....i want a cast but ill pronbably only get bruised...i need to get a grip its only frozen water i need to get my game face on and pretend that im ok....ok im a big chicken....i want bad things to happen to me so what if we go into a ditch but then hubby will be the one to get a broken leg or worse killed and i survive....i would kill myself if that happened its only me that i want hurt no body else time for sum football....the mask is on the urge to cut is strong....im in panic mode i need to go eat so i can take my meds im going to call first call for help i need to cut im scared of myself






i got left out of $35 at the plasma place. i made the mistake of mentioning my stomach ache. i'm gonna try to go tuesday. i really need a flea comb for my dog. well hope u feel better. take care.
bipolarfolse