archangels's Journal

Mum,s pretty drugged up at the mo,and she i don,t think knows that i,m here,i still am not allowed to go into her room and i hate the nurse,s having to dress up in gown,s hats and shoe cover,s, before they go into mum,s room,i also hate that i,m not allowed in the room to hold her hand,i don,t think she knows i,m here and that really hurt,s me cuz i want her to know that she,s not alone,i,m also practically on first name term,s with most of them and i have to admit theres one nurse who,s on now [she,s on night,s] and she is really fit her name is emma and she,s a year older than me,mum really likes her [she,s not alone!!] we [the nurse,s] have ordered a pizza for dinner and i,m gonna collect it in about 5 minutes we sit down once the other patients are asleep.

It is now 12,35pm mum isn,t too great she was really vomiting and i,m waiting for the doctor to tell me how she,s doing cuz right now i,m worried,she hasen,t been sick all the while she,s been in here,just spoke to the doctor he told me mum,s temp is still very high and he,s gonna keep popping up to see how mum is doing,everytime i think mum,s doing ok something else goes wrong! what else is gonna happen before she,s given a break,i,m scared i,m scared my mum will die,even saying it upset,s me, but i have to prepare myself for the possibiliy that it could happen,i don,t know what i,d do without mum being around,i can,t imagine mum not nagging me!! or her silly jokes even despite her pain she has a wicked sense of humour,without mum life would be very grey,i keep saying to myself don,t get your hopes up don,t kid yourself your ok with the fact that you might loose your mum because i wouldn,t be ok with life without my mum,i know we all have to die someday but please god not my mum not yet,she,s been through so much at least give her a break and let her live to be old and grey,give her a break and i,m not afraid to say that i,m terrified but i,m also so dammed frustrated cuz i can,t help her! my dad rang earlier to see how she,s doing,i asked him why cuz you couldn,t care less so why are you ringing? he told me, i do still care alot for your mum and i really do care,i don,t know why he bothers he hasen,t actually helped my mum has he? i just told him to just leave us alone for now,i told him i will never forgive him if anything happens to mum cuz he did so much damage,my mum loved my dad yet he treated her like muck,he called her names and all that because he was talking to the whore to make him feel better about the fact that he was talking to her at work online and for that i will never forgive him,it was horrible seeing my mum cry for him dunno why she did though especally the way he treated her,i remember christmas and it,ll be etched on my brain foor ever cuz he came up mum just kept crying and he did nothing but moan in the end thankfully mum told him go home,just before he left he then dropped the bombshell that he was bringing his whore over and they were gonna be living together! i told him what i thought,when IT came over he introduced me to it i didn,t even say hello and i made sure she knew i didn,t like her,she knew dad was married yet she helped him ruin our christmas for us then dad lost his job i believe it,s called what goes around comes around.

Well i,m gonna try and get some sleep now everytime someone goes into mum,s room i wake up just in case mum needs me so i,ll say bye for now and goodnight godbless callum