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Journal Entry for July 11, 2009 Mood
Saturday, July 11, 2009

Today has been one of the worst days of my life,my mum wants to die and i can,t help her,she keeps asking me to bring all her morphine to the hospital,she has never made any secret of the fact that she wants to die,she told me if i loved her i would do it for her! i lost my temper and had a go at her,i told her you are bloody selfish asking me to help you to end your life! i love you mum but i cannot and i will not help me to die! you are my mum and yes i know you are in pain 24/7 and i can,t imagine how bad it is but i can tell you one thing you have always told me to fight for what is right and helping you to die is not one of them! i want you to see me get married,i want you to meet another man who will make you happy,and i pray that you will get this pump,you musen,t give in! you MUST keep fighting,i know you,re tired that is why you are so down,but please mum don,t think about taking that road.

 

Well it is now 2.15am and i am sat in a chair just by mum she is really suffering and she has cut herself again,i told the doctor [the pain shrink] he told me,there is nothing wrong with mum mentally her pain is causing her sleep depravation and her pain is worse without sleep and she is so tired she can,t think straight,hence the reason she is so determind to kill herself so i pray that she,ll get some real sleep then hopefully she,ll feel better,so folks of you can say a prayer that will help my mum to get this pump then i really hope it works cuz i dunno how much more she can take i really don,t,she,s stopped eating and she,s not interested in how she looks i really hope she gets this pump,so anyone who knows mum please pray for her.callum

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Comments

  1. nursedeborah

    Your mom's sounds like she needs more pain meds if she is still in that much pain, and no sleeping. They should just give her more pain medication! Stop worring about the pump at home, she is in the hospital right now, your just stressing yourself out, stay in the toay!!! Your mom needs you to be strong for her right now! I know it's hsrd, but they need us there for them. Then come to us, and get the anger out!!! She is so tired, and the pain , and the meds she is on for the pain do do things to her way of thinking. It's like being real drunk I guess would be the best way of explaining it to you. It cause them to say all kinds of things. Also she is tired of living this way, youhave to be in that much pain to understand. Your mom has a deadly disease and is all yellow from the cancer. Please be safe, and we are all praying, and on both your sides.

    Love,
    Debbie


    nursedeborah

  2. JOYHOLY

    HELLO CALLUM,I AM SO SORRY YOU HAVE TO GO TROUGH SO MUCH PAIN ,YOU ARE SO COURAGEOUS AND WISE, IN THIS TERRIBLE SITUATION WITH YOUR MUM,BEING SO ILL,EVEN SO YOU CANNOT HELP HER TO GRANT HER WISH,IT WOULD BE WRONG.YOUR MUM ,SHOULD UNDERSTAND,THAT WHAT SHE IS ASKING WOULD AFFECT YOUR LIFE FOREVER.WHEN I FIRST READ ,I TOUGHT ,SHE HAD LOST THE ONLY CHILD SHE HAD ,THEN I READ ABOUT YOU,AND YOU ARE SUCH A LOVING AND RESPONSIBLE SON,SHE SHOULD BE PROUD TO HAVE SUCH A BLESSING,I WOULD BE .BE STRONG AND HELP YOUR MUM ,WITH WHAT YOU CAN ,YOUR LOVE FIRST OF ALL,ASK THE DOCTOR TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE NEEDS TO BE MORE COMFORTABLE,SHE HAS A TERRIBLE DISEASE,AND NEEDS ALL TO BE THERE AND COMFORT HER.WHEN MY MUM WAS ILL,I ASKED 'THE LORD JESUS CHRIST',TO GRANT HER WISH TO GO TO HIM IN HEAVEN,THEN I HAD TO TAKE THE DECISION,TO TAKE HER HOME,SHE WAS UNCONSCIOUS,SHE LEFT 2 DAYS LATER,PEACEFULLY WITH HER FAMILY AROUND.YOUR MUM,NEEDS TO GO 'TO THE LORD'AND MAKE THINGS RIGHT,THEN I PRAY THAT SHE WILL FIND HIS 'PEACE'.YOU ASKED FOR PRAYER ,I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR MUM.I DON'T KNOW WAY BAD, PAINFULL,AND HURTUL THINGS HAPPEN TO SOME OF US,BUT TO ME THE ONLY CURE HAS BEEN MY FAITH IN 'CHRIST'.HEAVENLY FATHER ,HERE IS CALLUM AND HIS MUM,YOU KNOW THEIR TROUBLES,PAIN,TRIALS,I PRAY AND ASK IN JESUS CHRIST ,FOR HIS SAKE, THAT YOU INTERVENE IN THIS 2 LIVES,BY THE POWER OF YOUR HOLY SPIRIT,TO CHANGE THEIR LIVES,AND TO CHANGE HIS MUM,TO RECEIVE 'JESUS CHRIST'AS HER LORD AND SAVIOUR ,WHILE THERE IS TIME,THAT SHE WILL FIND PEACE AND FREEDOM,ALSO FOR CALLUM TO KNOW YOU 'LORD'AS HIS SAVIOUR,TO FIND COMFORT AND PEACE,GUIDANCE IN YOUR WORD,I ASK FOR YOUR MERCY,COMPASSION,GRACE AND HEALING,TO BE UPON THEM,NOW AND FOREVERMORE,BLESSED BE YOUR HOLY NAME,IN CHRIST,FOREVER,LOVE LUCY.


    JOYHOLY

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