archangels's Journal

Things here are pretty dier and i am terrified i may lose my mum all because some idiot promised her something he couldn,t do! i have been with my mum most of the night and day,i have had no sleep mum has been twitching sweatimng like i have never seen before in my entire life,she has been screaming out and she,s crying non stop because of her pain,she could,nt even empty her bag because she was shaking so much,it got so bad that i called my dad,dad came up instead of saying what he usually does about mum attention seeking he tried to get mum to take her meds but she was having none of it! in the end i had to ask dad to go cuz it was making her worse.

I wrote the first paragraph earlier on,mum was so bad that i rang her mate who is a nurse,her name is becky,she came straight over took one look asked me how long this had been going on? when i told her she grabbed the phone talked to another nurse ignored mum and called an ambulance,by the time the ambulance came mum started fitting,within a few minutes we were behind the ambulance on our way towards hospital,i asked becky hlow bad it was she told me,you atre old enough to know what is going on,your mum is very very ill,her symptoms don,t look to be helping her,when i asked her what she meant? she told me this could kill your mum,i knew she was bad but i didn,t realise how bad it could be!

Mum is now hooked upto all these machines,they,ve had to put tubes in her neck and she,s on a morphine infusion pump,she,s also on other medication,s i don,t know what they are but at least she isn,t twitching and sweating and her temputure is almost back to normal,a doctor who was waiting for mum when she got to the hospital work,s with the idiot who caused all of this with his false promise,s i almost smacked him one,but becky stopped me,seeing my mum that bad has made me realise just how fed up she is with the whole of the medical profession and she has been let down so much that she told me herself i just don,t want to live anymore,she wasen,t joking she proved that in these past few days and nights she just hasen,t got anymore fight in her anymore,she told me my funeral is paid for,i told her not to be so stupid ,she has scared me,i really believe she has had enough,right now i,m sat with my nan and even my nan  and my uncle have tried to talk to mum but she just told them i can,t and i won,t live with this pain anymore,i have had enough i am sick of being told what to do or what is good for me! so there you have it,i,m now back in the hospital who have let her down but i couldn,t standby and watch her like that i wish these druggies out their could see my mum today because it ain,t pretty watching your mum withdraw from the very medication,s she has had to take for her pain,we won,t know until after mum has woken up again if the withdrawel,s have damaged her brain or if she will have an ongoimng illness again! then i will kick off big time i have had enough seeing my mum so ill and let down by the so called health care system we have in this country,if mum had been treated properly by the pain doc,s then maybe she,d be alot happier and not trying to kill herself,i wish we had enough to go private cuz i know she,d get all the help she should be having now!