archangels's Journal

No doubt thanks to my son you will probably know what i have done! yep the one thing i always said i would never do,i,ve been to a drug dealer and i ain,t proud of what i,ve done but what else can i do before i actually get some help with this living nightmare,i have tried to be patient i have done everything the doctors have asked of me yet not one of em have actually done anything all they do is tell me i,ll write to this or that doctor and surprise surprise i never hear anything from these so called doctor,s,it makes me laugh that each time i see a new doctor they promise to shit miracles and again surprise surprise nothing ever comes of it,i went to see a pain surgeon who told me all about this pump he then told me yes i will do this for you providing we can find someone who lives locally to give you the refill,s,away i came thinking at last hope,but i should have known better! although my pain doctor had told me let me know if i can be of help then i will help you LIE! the surgeon who told me he,d do the surgery told me yes you are a perfact candidate and i am willing to do it,i came away buzzing at last here i was with hope but when i told my pain doctor all i needed was for him to do my refill,s all i got was,no i,m afraid i can,t help you there! what a joke! i knew it wouldn,t last! i knew sooner or later something would screw up! things were going well until all this shite happened to me,my old man has left me and now i am pushing my son away and i can,t even find the guts to kill myself! however if this pain can,t  at least give me some rest then i will take my morphine cause right now death is a better option!

If my sister continues to run her big fat gob then she will end up a human bloody lollipop! i am sick and tired of her telling people that i am an attention seeker, of course i am! i want someone to actually do something to give me some sort of quality of life rather than leaving me the way i am now which is a pain filled wreck she has a brass neck! everytime she has a dammed headache she dump,s her kids off on my mother and father especally so she can go home to sleep! my mum has a rare form of lupus an is dying slowly but surely also my dad has angina,but my sister,s too selfish to care about our parents being old and looking to have peace and quiet in there old age no she likes to gob off and make herself out to be the perfect daughter,but alot of people know just how self centrered she is,what susan wants susan gets! she offer,s to take my mum shopping then the minute mum gets in her car she holds her hand out for petrol money! yep that is how shallow my sister is,she is in debt upto her neck and thanks to her being such a nasty little cow [sorry but she is] she has got my younger brother to lend her money to get out of losing her home,she has also done it to her best friend and here is the latest story,she got hold of her son,s ex girlfriend [she,s only 19yrs] she went on and on at this girl and she was just about to lose her house yet again! she got this poor girl to get her a 6 and a half thousand pound loan,this girl was tormented in the end she got this loan and saved my sister by the skin of her teeth,the thing that has made me mad is she has never paid anything to any of those she has borrowed from back! poor lucy [her son,s ex g/f] is now in debt because of my sister! so her credit is now ruined and still my sister gambles and still my parents help her out, actually my mum helps her and if my dad knew about all of this he would hit the roof,poor lucy was promised by my sister that she would pay her back just as she has in the past,but she,ll never see any of her money back cuz my sister takes takes takes,

So there you have it i,m pretty cheesed off and i want some help with this bloody pain all i want is this pump! i hope you all have a good weekend love shaz x