archangels's Journal

Not having a great day today it seem,s i,ve got a tumour in my gut,s i need to have surgery to find out if it is benign of malignant,however before they operate on me they have to find out if i,m well enough to have the surgery,so the next 24hrs i have to undergo alot of test,s [what,s new!] my team of doctors all got together to tell me of the new,s,i asked them what is going to happen they explained until they find out how bad it is they cannot tell me,they advised me to tell my son,so i had to tell my stbx to come with our son at first my stbx told me i don,t know if i can make it,i lost my temper and told him,this isn,t about you or me! it,s about our son and the possiblity that i may have my cancer back and this time i may not be so lucky! so they came up we were asked into a room where several of my doctor,s were ,they started telling our son and of course his dad,callum reacted in a totally different way to what i thought!! he started yelling at his dad he told him,"If you haden,t have thought about yourself and upset mum by leaving us maybe mum wouldn,t be so ill now! i hate you and i hope your tart was worth it cuz if mum dies i will never ever forgive you and i mean it!" i was totally stunned,i tried to tell him,i said callum it isn,t dad,s fault it,s just one of those things,but he wasen,t having any of it he told me,you were ok before he walked out to shack up with that tart! and why are you sticking up for him after all he,s done to you and what he,s put us through! even the doctor,s tried to calm him down it was no use no matter what anyone said he was pretty angry,i feel so bad i didn,t mean for this to happen and although clive [my stbx] has been a pig at times i don,t think he was to blame i am very surprised at callum,s reaction i just hope he calm,s down for hs sake as well as mine.

Well as i,ve said it hasen,t been a great day but old nelly [the little old lady who cause,s mischief with the nurse,s] has been in to see me,she asked if i was ok? i just said no nelly it seem,s i may have a return of my cancer,she was fantastic,she just sat with me and listened to me moaning on at her and for once i saw a different side to nelly,instead of this looney old lady [i don,t mean that in a nasty way,she pretends she,s off her rocker] she held me when i cried and she is with me now,i wish i were stronger but right now i feel i,m losing everything and no matter how much i fight it ,it seem,s i,m destined to be one of those people who always has bad luck,so i,m gonna go for now cuz the nurse is giving me earache telling me to try and sleep easy for her to say,well i,ll let you all know how i get on and i hope i,m gonna be ok.sorry it,s all doom and gloom folks,nelly,s now gone so i,ll say goodnight for now.shaz x