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  • About Me

    Image of archangels

    archangels

    Female, 47
    GBR
    Member since April 19, 2008

    • About Me

      I am 46+ i have kidney cancer and am awaiting more surgery to remove my kidney, i am very careful who i meet i was raped and left for dead by several people who kept me there for 72+ hours, i almost died as a result of it. I no longer allow any junkies near me, sorry but i do not want to reminded of what happened to me and i make no apology, s for being the way i am i also believe they chose to take drugs so they chose to rape sodamise and beat me up and leave me half dead.

      I am 46+ i have kidney cancer and am awaiting more surgery to remove my kidney, i am very careful who i meet i was raped and left for dead by several people who kept me there for 72+ hours, i almost died as a result of it. I no longer allow any junkies near me, sorry but i do not want to reminded of what happened to me and i make no apology, s for being the way i am i also believe they chose to take drugs so they chose to rape sodamise and beat me up and leave me half dead.

    • Interests

      I love making thing, s i, m kinda new to making my own cards!! i, m hopeless at it but i, ll keep trying til i get it right??one thing i do not do is forward any kinda chain mail so please do not send me any chain mail because i will not forward any of them

      I love making thing, s i, m kinda new to making my own cards!! i, m hopeless at it but i, ll keep trying

  • Recent Activity

    Recently:

    • 10 hugs received, 4 hugs given, 3 journal posts, 1 group discussion post, 1 advice post

    Yesterday

    Saturday

    Friday

  • Journal

    • Journal Entry for July 5, 2009

      Mood July 5, 2009 7:30pm

      Right now i,m knackered kit,s been a very very long day,mum has had all sorts done to her,she is very yellow ,looking and she is now also under the …

    • Journal Entry for July 4, 2009

      Mood July 4, 2009 7:54pm

      Things here are pretty dier and i am terrified i may lose my mum all because some idiot promised her something he couldn,t do! i have been with my …

    • Journal Entry for July 3, 2009

      Mood July 3, 2009 8:50pm

      It is just coming upto 1am and i,m sat here wondering what the hell is going on with my mum! for those of you who don,t know, my mum has been in …

    • Journal Entry for June 28, 2009

      Mood June 28, 2009 8:07pm

      It is now 2hrs to go then mum,s court order will cease which will mean that technally she can sign herself out of hospital again and tell em where to …

    • Journal Entry for June 24, 2009

      Mood June 24, 2009 8:50pm

      It,s now 1.15am and i am sitting here beside my  mum,for those of you who don,t know my mum has been very very badly let down by the very person …

    Read Journal

  • Hugbook

    Give archangels a hug



    • Hug

      From TwilightAngel Yesterday

      I feel lost... and trapped and i miss my bf... his name is Nick... He doesn't come on here much anymore, but neither do I really... I just need someone to talk to atm... I feel alone and my parents don't understand... They told me I don't know what love is... Or at least i shouldn't told me I'm too young... Im 18 and I love Nick and they can't change it... I hate it here.... sigh.... Miss you... Tell your mum I say hi... xxoxoxx Many hugs... xxoxoxx Love Twilight

    • Little Love

      From TwilightAngel Saturday

      Hope you all feel better soon... Love from Twilight and blessing upon you all... Hope you all feel better soon... Love you all... xxxoxoxxx

    • Little Love

      From TwilightAngel Friday

      Hey Cal... I miss other Cal too... But how are you? How is your mum... and everyone else... I miss hearing from you... Guess things have been pretty horrid... It's my 18th bday today... Went to the casino but didn't win much.... Guess i wish my bf could have been wrapped up and sent to me... Met him through DS... lives in UK... :( Hope to hear from you soon... Miss you all... Had fun talking and please let me know about the pics... and the Cals journal... xxxxx

    • Little Love

      From FallenAngel2009 Friday

      hey hunny hang in there ok. im good. will reply to your pm when get back in from taking kids to school. xxxxx

    • Prayer

      From monkeyraksha Thursday

      saying a prayer for you

    Read Hugbook

  • Goals

    Progress

    20 %

    Current Weight (Lbs)
    180

    Progress

    0 %

    Goal End Date is Dec 12, 10 524 more days.
  • Support Groups

    • Close Bereavement
      Type: Loss of a Child

      I have lost my sister in tragic circumstances,i also lost my baby boy and i am now on a transplant list waiting for a new kidney,i lost my sister some time ago but even now i could tell you what i was wearing the day she died,i also lost my baby boy who decided he wanted to be born before his time,i miss him so very very much,i still cry talking about it,i think this is normal,or so i,m told,i take flower,s to him every week and i thank god for giving him to me,i also lost a good friend Maria

      Treatments

      Crying Not Working
      I feel i,m the only one in this horrible place called earth,that has lost a child,i know i,m not but i hurt so much for him my heart aches literally.
      Getting Angry Not Working
      i scream my head off and shout but why when there,s no one who,ll hear my cry,s? i miss you shane,my special little man.
      Keeping Busy Somewhat Helpful
      If i keep busy i don,t think about him,if i can,t occupy
      Prayer Somewhat Helpful
      Why does god take all the good people especally a child? WHY?
      Psychotherapy Too Soon to Tell
      i don,t really feel ready to talk about that yet
      Remembering Somewhat Helpful
      i try to think of the good times we had in his young life,it hurts but it,s good to remember him.
      Support from Friends & Family Not Working
      some days my family members will talk about him but i don,t want to yet still they talk and the pain gets to much.
      Talking Somewhat Helpful
      When i talk to another mum who also lost her child the same day as shane,i know we connect because she know,s how bad the pain is
    • Close Kidney Stones

      I had a stone in my left kidney when i was 9years old,i had the surgery to remove the stone which thankfully they removed the thing and saved the kidney,sadly i ended up with none stop kidney infection,s which meant alot of time off school and work,i continued to work as i feel to keep your mind busy takes your mind from the pain,sadly i ended up losing the kidney anyway!! sadly it didn,t stop there i now have renal cancer

      Treatments

      Surgery Not Working
      i had a stag horned stone when i was 9 years and although the doctor saved my kidney i still ended up losing it anyway!!i now only have one kidney that is no longer working due to chronic infection,s and as a result i am now on the kidney transplant list as my only kidney is so scarred that it has now failed and i,m now one of thousands in the world who need a new kidney,i do not have a bladder,that was as a direct result of the cancer i had a while back,i don,t really try to dwell on my illness
    • Open Eating Disorders
      Type: Bulimia

      although i am 46 i still have daily battles with food,my mind say,s yes my body says NO! i have suffered with builimia since i was in my late twenty,s,every day is now a struggle with food,i hate myself for what i do.

      Treatments

      Celexa Not Working
      personally it hasen,t helped me that much,but i,m different from you.
      Dietitian Consult Not Working
      I don,t like being told what i can or cannot eat,ok so i have to be careful because of my kidney diesease,but don,t try to lecture me on what i should or should not be eating
      Group Therapy Not Working
      i did not want to talk to strangers about my problems with food.
      Outpatient Treatment Program Not Working
      not working as i cannot go to many groups as i am having treatment with the diaysis,in truth i don,t know if i,d go
      Overeaters Anonymous (OA) Not Working
      just wasen,t for me
      Psychotherapy Working / Worked
      personally hasen,t helped me,i have a problem with people telling me what i can or can,t do,they don,t know about the fight that goes in your head every night and day
      Support from Friends & Family Too Soon to Tell
      my parent,s get angry at me,it,s easy for them if i could find out why i purge the way i do i wouldn,t have the problem.
    • Open Chronic Pain

      I was involved in an accident,because for some reason some person thought they could run a red light, sadly he hit me, as a direct result of him doing that to me i had to be cut out of our car,with severe neck and back injurys,i live constantly in a battle with myself,as i try not to think of the pain,i am on constant morphine which help,s sadly not much.

      Treatments

      Acupressure Not Working
      Again sadly no luck,my injurys were too severe he also pointed out my kidney problems would not help???
      Chiropractic Adjustment Not Working
      This chiropactor gave me a refund!!
      Cymbalta Not Working
      didn,t help,yet it helped my husband! it,s not fair!
      Morphine Working / Worked
      I am on M.S.T 100mg three times a day as well as oralmorph every 3 to 4 hr,s helps a little but not much.
      Nerve Blocks Not Working
      I have six nerve block,s in my neck again didn,t work.but i will do anything and i mean anything! just to have one day free from this hell i live with!
      Physical Therapy Not Working
      again sadly my three physio,s couldn,t help me.
      TENS Not Working
      I have had three ten,s machines which i took to the max,my physio said i,d need to be put to sleep as long as the ten,s was a stronger one than the one,s i,d tried!!!
    • Open Back Pain

      I have had back problems for almost 34yr,s now sadly you name it i have tried it,but to no avail,i have had so many nerve block,s and lord knows how many other treatment,s that sadly have not worked in my case.

      Treatments

      Acupressure Not Working
      i was told my back is too messed up now,again the treatment was not very helpful,
      Acupuncture Not Working
      i paid for this treatment to help with the pain in my back sadly again i was informed i have had this problem for too much time to ever have a result from this treatment.
      Bedrest Not Working
      This something i would never endorse,i try to keep active and i try not to sit in one place for too long,otherwise it triggers my pain.
      Cortisone (Injection) Not Working
      My pain specialist has tried several time,s and has told me there really isn,t alot more they can do to help me.
      Epidural Injection Not Working
      Again like the many other treatment,s i have had this was the treatment that was not for me!!
      Fentanyl Not Working
      This is a treatment which heped in the beginning,sadly i am now on morphine,my pain is now always there.
      Heat Not Working
      Although this did not help me,it helped my friend who swears by it.
      Morphine Not Working
      I guess my body is getting used to the morphine,i have 100mg m.s.t 3 x day as well as oralmorph every 4 hours.
      Physical Therapy Not Working
      My poor physio gave up,he think,s i,ve had this problem all my life therefore i no longer respond to the physio
      Relaxation Not Working
      I try to relax but it is so very hard when you have this severe pain baiting you 24/7
      Stretching Somewhat Helpful
      i try to stretch but it,s hard some days when i have constant tingeling in my fingers first thing of a morning and the rest of the day,so i try to stretch as much as i can to loosen my joints.
      TENS Not Working
      I am now on my 5th ten,s,i wore all the other ten,s!! however when my pain is getting to the point that i need to be hospitalised,i find this helps to quiet the pain somewhat
      Positive Thinking Not Working
      To be honest i have been in constant pain in my back for most of my lifethat i am kinda used to iti have really bad days but more often than not i just try to get about as much as i can
    • Open Hysterectomy

      I had a total hysterectomy when i was 27yr,s and i now have reguler hormone implants,

    • Open Sexual Abuse

      I was raped and beaten and left for dead when i was 14yr,s i went to hell and back,i was made to think it was my fault! all i did was to try to give them direction,s when they dragged me into there car i was held for over 73hr,s i,m still trying to deal with it,my husband know,s i was raped but i can,t tell him how bad it was,as a result i self harmed until 4yr,s ago i still have the urge to cut myself when i can,t cope i have now started to cut again

      Treatments

      Leave Not Working
      i went away to try to forget my pain,it didn,t help i succeceded in making myself worse
      Music Somewhat Helpful
      With music i can close my eyes and take myself to a better place where no one can hurt me
      Talking Not Working
      I went to self help group,s but found it to depressing,so i just never went back.
    • Open Self-Injury

      i have self harmed for a number of years now,when my phsical as well as mental pain gets too much i cut myself or i burn myself,i feel it is my fault all the things that have happened to me,i know in my heart it,s not my fault i was raped i know it,s not my fault i live with chronic pain everyday i just take myself away from whats happened to me

      Treatments

      Group Therapy Not Working
      i didn,t want to talk about what happened to me to total strangers,i continued to go but in the end it just wasen,t for me.
      Psychotherapy Not Working
      i don,t like talking to stranger,s about what has happened,however i now have a nurse who never pushes me into something i don,t wanna do.
      Rubber Bands Not Working
      this hasen,t helped because my messed up head think,s it,s better to cut than to ping a band on my wrist!
      Talking Not Working
      i am not ready to talk to not only others who like myself have had terrible things happen to them,i just don,t want to be reminded about what happened
      Tattoos Not Working
      i had my late sister,s name tattoed on my arm as well as my baby boy,it doesn,t stop my pain but at least i keep there memory,s alive
    • Open Insomnia

      Ever since i can remember [my husband said it started when i was in my accident]i am a very very bad sleeper,i am constantly finding anything there is to help me sleep,i am always tired and i,m lucky if i sleep more than two hour,s a night.

      Treatments

      Counting Sheep Not Working
      Got to 18,000 then just gave up!
      Lavender Not Working
      It kept making me sneeze!! we thought it was maybe something in my room,however a very good friend who is also a nurse has said i am allergic to lavender??
      Meditation Not Working
      It,s hard to meditate when your exhausted,no matter how hard i try i find it very difficult
      Music Not Working
      It kept me awake so i gave up
      Reading Not Working
      i love reading trouble is once i start reading a good book i can,t stop until i,ve read it all!
      Restoril Not Working
      helped in the beginning but then i got immune to it so they put me on nitrazipam,i,m now back to square one!
      Nitrazepam Not Working
      Been on it for so long now it no longer helps me but i continue taking it.
    • Open Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT)

      I first had a D.V.T when i was 17yr,s i was put on a heprin drip then onto warfren,i was told i,d be fine,I had yet another d.v.t when i was 23yr,s after a minor operation,back onto the same treatment!! thought that was it,took it for granted that was the end,No such luck! i had my last d.v.t 2003 i thought it was a bad gnat bite,WRONG!!! yet another d.v.t! so now i take each day as it comes and whenever i go into hospital i let them know about my d.v.t,s i no longer take them for granted.

      Treatments

      Coumadin Somewhat Helpful
      warfrin,worked for me again however i was back on it when my tale tale sign,s came back,whenever i need surgery i am always given heparin then warfrin
      Heparin Working / Worked
      Worked very well and within 2-3days i was back to normal,yet i still had to continue treatment just in case it came back
    • Open Depression
      Type: Clinical (Major) Depression

      I have suffered with depression for most of my life it was made worse when my sister and my babies died,i get so bad i just don,t wanna live anymore,i know that selfish but i just have no real motivation anymore,my son is grown now and i just don,t know why i,m still here.

      Treatments

      Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Not Working
      I have tried so hard to sort myself out but i,m finding it very very hard,i,ve got good at hiding my inner pain
      Cymbalta Not Working
      This drug did absoulutly nothing for me,yet it works for my friend
      Elavil Somewhat Helpful
      I am on amitriptyline and although to a degree it,s working i just can,t get rid of these dark mood,s
      Positive Thinking Not Working
      It,s hard to be positive when every corner you turn theres more pain
      Prozac Not Working
      If anything this drug made me worse and i would never ever take it again.
      Psychotherapy Too Soon to Tell
      I,m seeing a shrink on the 22nd may,
      Support from Friends & Family Not Working
      Everyone in my family think,s i can snap out of it,i wish it were that simple.
      Writing Not Working
      It makes it worse because when i see what i,ve written i either cut myself or just feel worse,i just don,t wanna see my thoughts on paper
    • Open Financial Challenges

      I very stupidly brought myself several item,s of jewellery and ended up with 6 accounts,i contacted the debt agency,s who were involved with getting these debts paid like an idiot i tried to ignore the bill,s which had to be paid in the end one of the companys dealing with my debts have now told me they are going to take me to court and i am terrified of my husband finding out because he will divorce me,i,m at my wit,s end and don,t know what to do help me please?

      Treatments

      Credit Counseling Working / Worked
      I,m going to have to go to our local citizens advice bureau and ask them to help me,i,m no good with money and i,m really scared,last time i went to these very good people they helped i just pray they can help me again
      Cut Up Credit Cards Working / Worked
      Without the cards i cannot buy more things that i don,t need
      Earn Money Not Working
      I cannot work due to my health problems
    • Open Renal Cell Carcinoma (Kidney Cancer)

      I have had kidney problems since i was a child,now i find at my last scan that i have a tumour in my only kidney,i can,t deny i,m scared as i have already lost my other kidney,i am due to go into hospital tomorrow for they hope a partial nephectomy i have already been told by my surgeon that they may have to remove all of the kidney,i have also found out the reason they removed my bladder last year was because my bladder had pre cancerous cell,s! i wasent told!

      Treatments

      Chemotherapy Too Soon to Tell
      I was told today that the kidney biopsy has shown the tumour is cancerous and i have to have radio then chemo i,m scared
      Dialysis Working / Worked
      I am on hemodialysis,and my potassium,s a bit awire but i feel crap for a short time then i,m ok,it makes me ache all over and i get bad headaches,at the minute i,m okish
      Nephrectomy Working / Worked
      I Lost my left kidney afew year,s ago due to chronic pylonephritus,i,d had a stone as a kid which they removed,saving the kidney,then i had nothink but trouble with the kidney and it had to be removedmi felt great after the op,but sadly i developed more problems and now find i have a tumour and am awaiting a partial nephrectomy i hope!
    • Open Urinary Incontinence

      My bladder has never worked when i was a child i was classed as lazy,therefore in the eyes of the doctor there was nothing wrong with me,but i was born without the muscles which help you to empty your bladder!

      Treatments

      Diapers Working / Worked
      I had no choice,i was always left with a rash and i still leaked through them,these made me produce more kidney infection,s
      Lipitor Not Working
      Sadly because i had no muscles on my bladder i didnt realise i was peeingafter many pills and potions i was given a super pubic cathiterwhich still didnt stop my on going infections
    • Open Bladder Cancer

      i was diagnosed with bladder cancer in june this year stage three,i have also had a nephrectomy,[i only had one kidney as i had the other kidney removed due to stones and cancer]i,ve had a full bladder removel and now i,m on dialysis now due to complete failure during my surgery.

      Treatments

      Chemotherapy Working / Worked
      I,m still undergoing through chemo and i feel crap! don,t yet know if it,s worked,am awaiting another biopsy
      Radiotherapy Working / Worked
      Tried radio first but it didn,t work so i,m now having chemo
    • Open Breakups & Divorce

      After 25yrs together my husband has told me he is moving out in january,he told me he lobves me but he,s not in love with me

    • Open Pancreatitis

      for over two week,s now i have had severe constant pain beneath the middle of my stomach[just under the middle of the sternum,] for two week,s now i cannot eat everytime i try i am either left with waves of severe pain [not like the pain you get when you need the loo]i have noted i have a swelling just beneath my sternum it is about the size of an orange i don,t know what this is and was wondering if anyone can relate? or help me? i,m taking morphine for the pain it really is that bad!

    • Open Hiatal Hernia

      For the past two week,s i have had severe pain by my sternum and i,m finding it very hard to eat,i keep getting like a throbbing ache for about a minute and this is tseadly getting worse,i am already on morphine and even that isn,t killing or numbing the pain,do you think this may be a hiatal hernia,please help i,m in alot of discomfort i am on nexium but it,s not helping me i would welcome any advice right now

      Treatments

      Nexium Not Working
      it is now almost three week,s since this started i also have a solid lump in my upper g.i i,m having an endoscopy 19th may help please?
    • Open Inguinal Hernia

      i,m not sure if i have one of these last year i had my bladder removed and my doctor told me i may ger a hernia please can anyone help me? i have a swelling just under breastbone and everytime i eat i,m either sick or i just can,t eat do i have a hernia please help?

      Treatments

      Prevacid Not Working
      I was put on this when the pain started didnt help!
      Nexium Not Working
      I have been on this now for over a fortnight as well as anti sickness drugs yet still im having trouble trying to eat im literally losing weight cuz each bite i take of an sandwich makes me double over in pain please please help have i got a hernia?
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