bluevibe's Journal

Third day without a binge. 

Went to the gym today.  Got period, feeling bloated but feel good other than that. 

I need to invest in some good quality summer wear.  For some reason, I almost always put on weight in the months leading up to summer, which makes me angry!  So I often spend a lot of it hiding out in less than flattering boy shorts, big tee shirts and the like. 

I also have issues with my skin.  It's white, with many freckles and moles.  I've spent the better part of my life hating those moles (and having quite a few of them removed!).  I also have too much hair, which I remove from various parts of my body on a regular basis.  I'm not big on sunbathing - I love to be tanned, but I don't really enjoy lying there in the sun all day,  I'm on the fence about the sunbed thing (though I have done it twice this season), and the fake tans stink and rub off on my clothes!  There, whine whine whine !! 

I think I have a good body overall.  I have good genes, and when I take care of myself in the proper ways I can look pretty good, if I do say so myself.  I'm not a beauty, but I can be very pretty.  I can also be ugly as hell! 

I'd love to get my teeth fixed: I only just got my wisdom teeth removed and as they were growing in they pushed my teeth together.  They are not horribly crooked, but I notice the change and it makes me a little self - conscious.  I'd also love to get electrolysis one day, so that I don't have to worry about removing hair ever again.  Also, I'd love to get my eyes fixed with laser surgery.  My eyes are sensitive and often become red from contacts.

And finally (drumroll .. . )  my nose is crooked!  Ok, on the whole it is a nice nose, it is slender and not too big and sort of lifts up at the end ("like a skislope" I used to say).  But when I am facing forward it is clearly leaning farther to the right.  I am very embarrassaed about this, although I'm learning to accept it.  I do sometimes think I'd like to have it straightened, not change the shape or anything, just make it symettrical.  On the other hand, I'm discoverig more and more people with slighly slanted noses who are attractive and that's making me worry about it less (sometimes, though i still let it get to me too much).     

I know this is a very superficial journal entry.  The point is, I suppose, when I'm about to binge or thinking about binging, these are the superficial shortcoming that I use ase fuel for self pity.  I know everyone's got their own body issues, and I just wanted to share mine, it feels sort of cathartic to put them to paper, these self critiques I've held for so long. 

The logical follow up to this journal entry would be one on what I perceive to be my intellectual/emotional/psychological/internal shortcomings. 

Until then, au revoir! xBLUE