bluevibe's Journal

My experience is somewhat different from yours - the cult I was brought up in was non-religious, in that we didn't go to church or talk relentlessly about God (though most of the adults were I guess you could say 'cultural' christians - we celebrated christmas and easter, for example)

My parents met in the UK, where my father was already a part of the cult, but back in those days, the 70's, it felt like more of a free love prolongation from the 60's.  My parents and others felt like they were 'breaking fre' from the shackles of their conservative past and thought that this group was a good place to learn to really 'be' in a 'real' and libereated way.  The engaged in group therapy, as you probably read.  It was all a bit 60's revolution mixed with some new-age spirituality.

So, I was brought up in a world of contradictions.  On the one hand I was being told by the 'comunity' be 'free' (whatever that means), be yourself, be an independent spirit, 'fuck the system' (that was a popular phrase!), but on the other hand, I couldn't be myself - there wasn't room for someone quiet and shy like I was.  I didn't fit in. 

I realized at an early age how hypocritical this group mentality was, how dangerous it could become for people who let themselves become too attached, the psychological manipulation I saw taking place right in front of my eyes .. . the financial drain on people's wallets. 

I have  little contact with people from the community now.  I feel a bond with all the kids my age who grew up in the same environment.  But I've moved on, and often hanging out with them just feels wierd.  We all had different expereiences, some people still have a lot of good feeling about growing up.  I remember a lot of pain.