Happyinlalaland's Journal

It seems I have been pretty good with keeping up with this journal...much to my surprise. Would you believe I am still waiting for the results of the MRI of my gallbladder?  Actually, the GI called me on Tuesday to say he wants a bunch of liver related blood work done at my primary's and then I need to see him when the results are in. That is set up for next Monday (10/06).

I had my routine mammo last Monday and Thursday got a phone call stating I need to have 'further studies' done asap. Today I went for the further studies and while waiting to leave was told I now need an ultrasound for 'more further studies'. I will schedule this later today.

I had ultrasounds of both legs because I have poor circulation and loads of swelling that seems to never go down anymore. This has gotten so much worse since the accident in March. Now I wait for more results. I have an appointment at the end of October with the Vascular Surgeon. I'm sure if there was a major problem, I would have received a phone call...so again...I wait.

For October, I have my routine medical appointments with the Opthalmologist, Podiatrist, Cardiologist, and Neurologist. I am beginning to feel like a hypocondriac (sp??) but I neglected myself for many years while taking care of my children and husband. I never allowed myself the time to be sick unless I had no choice..like a torn rotator cuff. So now is time for me and my husband is having a bad time understanding it. It seems that he must have earned his MD while being in a nursing home because he sure has an opinion (uninvited) on everything I say.

The hubby called again tonight and I picked up the phone. I try to avoid him in between my visits because he tries to pull hard at the heart strings. He is angry and now wants a divorce...again.  I told him he has money in his personal account at the nursing home and they will help him get one. We have gone thru this for about 20 years. It breaks down to ..if he doesn't get his own way, he wants a divorce. One year while the kids were still at home, he started in September telling everyone he wanted money for Christmas because he found a divorce attorney who would handle it for $85. So for Christmas, the kids gave him the money and the name of an attorney for him to call.  He said he changed his mind and would put up with me.  He is not serious because he knows no one would put up with his crap other than me.  When he doesn't get an answer to his calls, he leaves some nasty messages about me running the streets or keeps calling back (up to 17 times in 1 day).  He is blind and very forgetful because of the many strokes so he has to get his helpful roommate to dial the phone. I've had to put a stop to this with the nursing supervisor which caused me problems with the roommate Herbie. My hubby's behavior is typical for him so it doesn't bother me too much anymore except to annoy me.  I tried to explain that I have some medical problems I am seeing doctors for and he tells me I am selfish for giving myself so much time. He thinks I should stop all my meds and be done with the doctors. If he knew I was home all day on disability, my life would be h*ll.  He can't know anything about anything in my life because the only focus he has is moving back home with me so I can take care of HIM. He can't seem to remember that I had a heart attack from all the stress of his medical problems a week after his last big stroke which is the one that put him in the nursing home permanently. This Sunday is our 40th wedding anniversary and he won't remember and I can't remind him as it will start another episode of his nasty mouth to me.

Well, enough of my complaining for now. Life will continue as it is and I will survive. I am thankful I have pretty terrific grown children who have wonderful children who keep me alive.