First Journal Entry
April 16, 2008 3:58pm
Hello to whomever is reading this.
I am new to this site, I just found it today while searching for an online support group. I don't know really …
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amorris
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About Me
amorris
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About Me
I am a clerk at a gas station. I have college credits, was wanting to work in nursing, but I'm not sure now, have thought about teaching. I am married and my husband and I have 5 children.
I am a clerk at a gas station. I have college credits, was wanting to work in nursing, but I'm not sure now, have thought about teaching. I am married and my husband and I have 5 children.
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Support Groups
Close Bereavement
Type: Loss of a ParentI lost my mother after she battled cancer for about a year. She was only 69 years old! She was my best friend and I thought that my world would end right there when she died. However, to make matters worse, my father passed away 31 days later. We aren't sure why, they think that maybe he had an anurism rupture and suffered a stroke from blood loss. How do I deal with this?
Treatments
- Crying Somewhat Helpful
- Sometimes I cry, and it helps some, but I always have a sick feeling in my stomach. Just like a "tummyache". Crying sometimes relieves that.
- Helping Others Somewhat Helpful
- I don't do volunteer work so much, but I do try to help others deal with things, and sometimes that helps me take my mind off myself, but sometimes, it just makes me really uncomfortable and freaks me out a little, because I'm afraid all the time, that I just won't be able to deal with things! Sounds crazy, but it's true.
- Keeping Busy Somewhat Helpful
- I try to stay busy enough that I don't have to think about it, but I have suffered panic attacks so bad that I thought that I was going to lose my mind, and I'm always in fear of that happening when I'm at work.
- Music Somewhat Helpful
- On Sunday nights when I'm at work, I listen to old country on the radio, they play the classics. That was always my parents favorite, and it makes me think of my mother especially. Sometimes it makes me sad, but I also like to hear it and think happy thoughts about Mama running the radio station from Heaven.
- Pets Somewhat Helpful
- I have a cat and a dog, they are good friends to me, but not much comfort.
- Prayer Somewhat Helpful
- I try to pray and ask for help, but I'm afraid that I just don't do it right! I don't know, I know that I need to get closer to God, but I'm having a hard time, just taking the focus off myself...afraid that I'll have a panic attack if I don't stay focused on NOT having one!
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- I see a shrink, and she has put me on medication to handle the panic attacks. But I don't know if it's really working that well. I am able to go to work and do things, but I feel like crap most of the time, and can't handle any stress some days.
- Reading Somewhat Helpful
- Reading isn't something I've tried a lot. I read a book called "Don't take my grief away from me" I got it from my Mother's hospice nurse. It helped some, but I just can't get anywhere, if that makes any sense. I also have read just for pleasure just to get my mind on something else.
- Remembering Too Soon to Tell
- I remember the times I had with my parents all the time, but it just makes me sad. I do this almost constantly. I think of them in everything I do! It makes it hard, I want to move on with my life, and I'm tired of dealing with the pain of there deaths!
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- I couldn't make it this far without my family and friends. They are the ONLY thing that works when nothing else will.
- Support Groups Too Soon to Tell
- This is the first support group that I have joined.
- Talking Too Soon to Tell
- Sometimes, I think that I need to get things off my chest and share them, but I don't know if it makes it better or worse.....sometimes both?
- Time Somewhat Helpful
- I know that I'm better than I was when all of this first started. I am taking medication to controll my panic attacks. BUT, it seems like I'm now stuck in a rut, and I feel just kind of sick all the time.
Close Panic Attacks
I have suffered panic attacks in the past. At first I didn't know what they were and my Dr. told me they were caused by depression. However, years later, I was able to handle without medication. But both of my parents just passed away, and I had the worst state of panic I have ever experienced. My new Dr. says that they aren't necessesarily caused by depression, they can come on their own. I hate it! I wish I could just be "normal"!
Treatments
- BuSpar Somewhat Helpful
- I don't know exactly how helpfull this drug is. I take it twice a day, 15mg. I don't have any side effects from it that I know of.
- Effexor Working / Worked
- This medication seems to do the most good for me so far. I take 150mg once a day so far, I don't know if it will be increased or not. But I still have times when I have to take Xanax to calm down. The worst side effect I have had from it is just dry mouth...I can live with that!!
- Paxil Not Working
- I no longer take paxil. I did at first and it seemed to help some, but had bad sexual side effects. I have better sucess with Effexor all the way around.
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- When a panic attack starts, or I feel like I might be going to have one, I just try to think of something besides that, and sometimes just getting my mind off of it works....however sometimes it does not.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- I see a psycyotrist aka 'shrink' and it seems to help having someone that can help me. When this last instance happened, I felt alone and couldn't find help for a long time, and was very thankfull to get into see this Dr.
- Trazodone Not Working
- I took this in the past, it didn't seem to help me at all.
- Xanax Working / Worked
- This drug is my life saver! It is the only thing that I can take at this time that I KNOW will get rid of the panic feeling. I am prescribed 0.5mg twice daily as needed, it was three times daily, but they are cutting me back, because I wasn't having to take that much. However, it seems like I'm taking more lately, but hopefully I can cut back down to under the prescribed amount. I would like to be able to live without them sometime! I don't usually have any side effects from this.
Open Insomnia
All my life I have had trouble going to sleep. However, once I finally do, I am impossible to wake up. I can sleep through an alarm for the hearing impared...I don't just decide not to get up, but I actually DON'T wake up! It makes leading a normal life VERY hard.
Treatments
- Ambien Working / Worked
- I used to take Ambien, and it worked great. However, I can't afford it with no insurance. It does have some really bad side effects...it is almost like being drunk, you don't remember anything hardly at all the next day. But I still prefer this to not sleeping.
- Lunesta Working / Worked
- I have taken Lunesta in the past. It has a HORRIBLE taste that about gags you at first, but you do get used to it. I thought it worked good too. I can't take it anymore because I can't afford it without insurance.
- Music Not Working
- Music never worked for me, seemed to just depress me for some reason.
- Reading Somewhat Helpful
- Sometimes reading will put me to sleep, but usually I just get so interested in the book that I will not want to sleep, but read instead.
- Trazodone Not Working
- I took this in the past, and it didn't work for me.
Open Anxiety
I suffer on and off with bouts of anxiety all the time! I'm so tired of the "fear" feeling, I just want to be normal! I'm sick and tired of feeling fine one day and a wreck the next, makes life so hard!
Treatments
- BuSpar Somewhat Helpful
- I guess it helps, can't really tell.
- Paxil Somewhat Helpful
- Worked for me in the past, I no longer take it.
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Prayer. Helps!
- Xanax Working / Worked
- This seems to be the only thing that holds me together.
- Effexor Working / Worked
- Seems to help more than other drugs have.
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