butterflyxlife's Journal

I have absolutely no idea why my mind is behaving like this-- I feel like I've utterly lost my mind. The feeling is incredibly disconcerting and I don't understand it at all.  The last day and a half, I have read without stopping, book 1, 2, and 3 of the twilight series. I have become obsessed about book series in the past.. but never like this. I finished reading book three at 3:20 a.m. last night, and immediately picked it up when I woke up and started re-reading it (as I don't have access to book 4 yet). I am randomly crying for no reason, I am dreaming about stupid Edward and stupid Bella, and stupid Jakob, and I can't seem to control myself right now.

I just went to Stephenie Myers website just to find out the name of book four, and I ended up clickong on... I don't even know, the name of book 4? And just immediately started crying so hard that I don't even know WHERE it came from.

Seriously.. What the Hell is Wrong with Me? All I want to do is curl up in a ball like I am so heartbroken that these are only fictional characters... That they aren't actually living and breathing and able to really experience the emotions that she writes with such a succinct definity that has grabbed hold of my heart and made me remember such wonderful memories of my own. And perhaps that is why I am so.... emotional.... right now.

Because so much of what I was reding, are things that I often feel with Andrew.. and I don't want those feelings to ever stop... just like I never want these books to stop.

And then of course I automatically understand why people have flocked to Forks as thought it might disappear. Disappear just like the characters in the book when you have to stop reading.. when they no longer exist except on paper and in your mind. Because they don't want Edward to be fictional. They don't want Bella to not exist.... they don't want Jakob to disappear... All of the love in the books just makes it impossible not to love each of them as if they were right next to you.. as if you were right there consoling Bella when Edward has to go, or giving Jakob a hug when you feel his pain about Bella.... and even though I am only at the end of book 3... and I know there is so much more to come... I almost don't want to read any more... not only do these books have so much love in them... they have so much pain.