DAY 1 This is the beginning of …
DAY 1 This is the beginning of what I hope will be the next best part of my life. I struggle with an addictive …
Join Now
MTgirl 
Therapy was a good thing for yesterday. I am still really hurting & according to all of you, the therapist is right!! I had no idea the pain still living inside from years ago. My mother left our family before I was 2.Then just back into the picture 10 + years later. As a child I didn't question, I was just so grateful to find what I thought was the missing piece. Now, I suffer PTSD (as does my sister) stemming from this abandonment. I have been really struggling since I had a child. Something called cellular memory....long story short, when I am experiencing joy w/my husband & child it stirs up all of this old trauma. Total paradox....the joy my family brings me today causes emotionally, all pain from early years to come flooding in. There is no warning & he said trauma is something that you will never get over, just learn to get through...find the peace to allow myself to feel the joy & let the past & pain go. I struggle w/ this often as my mother just deletes the part that she disappeared from our lives for 10+ years. Tells stories as if she were always there. I have taken her to therapy & she says things are just too painful to speak of. I try to respect that, I am just experiencing that terrible pain now as a mother. She came back into our lives 25 years ago & as I look back that is when I began w/ the distructive behavior in my life. I just didn't know what I was experiencing. I also started therapy then. Wow, 25 years of fighting the fight. I was looking @ something on the power of acceptance it is so true. ONCE YOU QUIT FIGHTING, YOU ARE FREE TO START ACHIEVING. With the death of Gma this once again has turned on the trauma monster. I am proud that I am finally just feeling the pain. Not hiding or escaping...just feeling. I woke up this a.m. w/ an anxiety/panic attack. My husband just held me tight as I was shaking & throwing up. Telling me to breath deeply & think positive good thoughts. Fill my breath w/ positive good things. Well we got through it. I am just hangin @ home today. I am feeling sad & I am just going w/ it. Therapist also said I am such a kind,compassionate person that I should afford myself w/ the same that I give so easily to others. Also, give myself a break WAY TOO HARD on myself. The exact same things all of my wonderful friends @ DS say. Granted he does have the past decade of my struggles to go on too. You are all so right on thrack. We all have what it takes to succeed & support others in success. This website is BRILLIANT! Today I am GF. I can not thank you all enough for all of the wisdom & words of experience & encouragement. I will get through this rough spot & I am remembering the good memories & I am grateful for the 95 years Gma did have on this planet & know that she is forever w/ me. I just miss her....so much.
UPDATED GOALS
Comments
You might also like ...
Feeling alright today. Trying to …
Feeling alright today. Trying to stay busy & keep myself out of the house. I am still struggling w/ not smoking. …
Still hanging in there. Not a perfect …
Still hanging in there. Not a perfect record but today I will start with clean slate. The advice of nothing can be …
Wow, that was some therapy session! I can see why Gma's passing is affecting you even more deeply than it might otherwise....was she always there, even when your mother went missing??? How blessed you are to have had her in your life...and you still have her love with you forever and ever....Gma would want you to go on, grow and heal, taking it all ODAAT, as any who love you. Your husband sounds like a wonderful person....another blessing in your life. I think your therapist was right in saying you never get over some things....but you can go through them, put them in perspective and find the peace to enjoy the blessings we do have in life....Hope you are feeling better today....Love ya, Dianne
DianneE
I am glad you are starting to understand yourself in therapy. You are a great person and deserve the best. My siblings and I didn't have a great childhood, alot of abuse and alcholism so I can relate to the part about it never really goes away it just gets pushed down. Your husband sounds so great and understanding, I'm glad you have him. Have a wonderful GF weekend
Hugs
J
jude48
Give yourself sometime to grieve - any death is hard to get over - do not be so hard on yourself. Your life remember belongs to you - not your mother or anyone else and healing must be done for yourself - not anyone else. Each day you stay GF with give you more confidence and self esteem- blessings and you are in my prayers
bmack
Looks like therapy is really helping you and I'm very happy for you. We are such complex creatures that sometimes we need a little help sorting out the puzzle. I've said this before and it's worth saying again, you are a wonderful person in my eyes for caring so much for your Grandmother. Too often in our society, the elderly are tossed aside because they cramp our style. In the past year I've seen too much of it while taking care of my mom in rehab for 5 months. I cried every day wishing I could take these forgotten treasures home with me. Your kindness and devotion towards your Gma will not go unrewarded. I'm sure she hasn't stopped bragging about her wonderful grand-daughter to the Man upstairs! On behalf of every forgotten Gma (and Gpa) I thank you:)
Liz xxx
betta
I am so sorry to hear about your grandma, it is hard when someone passes, we are all hear for you. You are in my prayers. Hugs, Mindy
mindypanebianco
Just a great big ((((((HUG)))))). I hope you can get rid of the pain, and treat yourself with the love and compassion you show others. We are all here for you and with you.
loosenomore