nikL's Journal

being a gimp and tranny in this rural town is a trip. especially cuz the people are from my contries' heritage, which makes it all the more painful.

but funny, too, for its sheer absurdity. now, i have to keep in mind that many of the staff at this hospital knows i'm transgender; at least many of the ones who are attending to me. and i'm only stopping there for like 30-45 mins for a scan and to leave info to a local doc.

but then there's the anonymous discrimination as well. for example, after i entered, one woman at the front desk of the registrar simply tried to deny service and unfortunately the computer told her i was right and she was forced to interact with me for about a minute to tell me how to get upstairs to the mri dept. she blithely then turned to a coworker and mentioned getting a lunch break, hence her attempt to give me to another shiftworker instead, even if that meant i had to wait an extra 5-10 mins.

then, i got challenged as to 'how' disabled i actually was, by 2 dudes who had shit eating grins on their faces the whole time, one of whom might have been gay man, ironically, in that dept. i then realized the mri was of my lower spine area, and not the upper (cervical), as i assumed would be natural to look first for signs of ms, for which i was being investigated by the 'new' neuro. after the scan was over and their own 'mystery' about what kind of transgender person i was was resolved, the imaging staff embarassedly tried to make some mouth about the machine 'always being on'. yet on getting in there at first, they *could* have extended me the courtesy to make sure my walker was just 'that far' from the moving bed area so i could just use it myself. but no, they just had me basically stand there while they talked the whole time, and i gave up after 1 min or so. deciding to go hang onto things to get into the bed myself, as i was already late from a previous appt getting a 40 min blood draw to figure out some pituitary hormone prolactin that was high.

then, i stopped by the neuro to just report an incident, since i could get thru last week. i commented on one of the secretary's loose sweaters being in a pretty color combo.  she hastily drew the sweater over her, the one part i *wasn't looking at* as if i had some xray vision. please, she really shouldn't flatter herself. 

the elevator ride too down was a fun trip, as 2 women discussed one losing her job, then they both absentmindedly yet exhaustedly took turns looking at me, one of the obvious 'indigent' or medicare/medicaid patients. i was reminded that, by my sheer number and multitude of problems, combined with lack of full bill payment, is nearly solely responsible firing healthcare workers at the hospitals left and right. how could it not be otherwise, as stated loudly on the front page, by the main local paper only a month or so before. if a newspaper is stuck blaming patients for the healthcare crisis, that's pretty crappy.

anyway... back to the final leg of my 30-40 mins of fame...then, as i took my walker down a path to get to the parking lot, i had to use my fire engine-red walker on the grass down a small incline. and 2 women behind me laughed loudly for no other reason, as i could clearly hear their convo as they were hurrying not to far behind. previously on the barely paved walkway, one of the 2 women commented with a sigh 'oh, for our little break of sunshine' in a slightly annoyed tone. apparently i wasn't going fast enough for one of their paltry 15 min breaks. sure, when you can't right an irresponsible and unaccountable systemic management, the patients should just f---cking go.

especially the jokers, apparently, like me. wow, people just couldn't stop giggling or acting like i was some broadzilla in a mohawk and those pointy earrings. maybe i should take up comedy. is this all cuz i forgot to shave this morning? !jeebus!