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spiritlost1 
8:57am, August 17, 2009
i do not want to be here anymore. many of my friends have dropped me ... and it hurts.. i am sad ,angry and in way too much pain .. i guess i want to go and even leave the people who still do like me.. Sounds kind of mean doesnt it.?.. Well, I feel like being mean and i feel like being hateful. I dont want to be here any more. This hurts way too much. The past three weeks i have started meds that cause me a lot more physical pain than i can handle...they also make me angry and so fucking sad all the time
I stopped some of my pain meds and the meds that help me control anger.. they are very likely contradictive to the new chemo i am on ... so at the moment i am really fucked... and to lose my best friend is just too much. i want to hide. i want to sleep and not wake up. I should not want to die over a lost friendship... but right now that is how I trully feel. i dont want to have this pain any more
Comments
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FlyingFairy
sorry to hear it
lookeehere
Hunny you need to find some meds that work with your chemo and help you stay within a normal anger state, dont make you sad, and control your pain. You cant function in that much pain. Please dont leave us. I need you more then you know and I love you tons!!!!! I would miss you way too much and would hurt for you. Please know that I'm always here. I'm not leaving you or deleting you. I will ALWAYS be here. Through everything!!!! You can come to me whenever. Love you tons and I'll talk to you later. Gentle hugs!!!!!!!!
Cry2Jesus
Holding you close! Please don't leave I'd miss you so much. You are a wonderful person, so supportive of others, so caring, kind, gentle, loving, a truly wonderful friend.
Poppit1
peole will come, people will go. i think yhat it is MUCH more important 2 vent your anger. i mean really vent it, till it is all gone. may take a few times 4 u 2 get it all out but u will....phil
philology
thank you friends.. i am better today... my friend was being a donkey. she has apologized...i accepted the apology... i am still needing to get relief from this pain though... it is hard to be rational when your body is in agony... my doctor did give me a very slight increase in the pain medicine. and has suggested i talk to a dr at the pain clinic to see where we go to from here... i just do not want to jeopardize the chemo therapy treatment i am on... my viral count is in the balance.and it has to go way down to be allowed to stay on treatment
.... I really appreciate you all responding to me... thank you so much... And Phil, I will vent here.. it is much more appropriate then venting in the faces of my non cyber family and friends!!!! hugs to you all , xxooxx Spirit
spiritlost1
love u
acatlover24