buttercup64's Journal

I was a very happy go lucky girl a long time back till a got to know my husband. He took the smile away from me. I just don't know how to smile anymore.During my school time all my classmates, school mates and many others were after him because he was a very good looking guy. When he approached me , i refuse to date him. I even told my friend ven if he is the last guy on earth i won't marry him. At that time i had a pen-pal from another state but same country , we correspond a lot thru mail, once in a blue moon he will call me as he was working and i was still schooling ( 3 years of age gap) same with my husband. My pen-pal i had never meet him till today we kind of fall in love after writing to each other for sometime, i was only 15 then, he use to advise me and guide me with my maths as i was weak in my maths. He will send me some important notes...............

As i am from a very conservative family, i was scared that my parents won't approve of me marrying CJ (my pen-pal) .after my secondary education, i broke off with him withut even meeting him in person and went to college.

After some 10 years i started working in a bank in my hometown and met my husband again and he was working in the same bank, (different bank from mine) and somehow rather we have all the bankers gatherings , tally match and so on and i his bank was our banker ( when we have excess cash or short of cash we take from the bank that he was working) since i was the cheif cashier in my bank i use to go there often .................. blah..balh...balh and started going out with him, end up marrying him. None of my friends could believe that i did marry him. Even Then he was admired by many girls yet he came for me and i thought why not after 10 years he is still there for me.But now after marrying him i started havingproblems with him as he is totally the opposite from my character. We have two lovely kids now .It's been 15 years since i have married to him and beleive me it is a living hell.I am still with him because of my kids , i brought them into this world and i want to be responsible for them. My daughter is very very attached to him so i have no heart of seperating them as if i leave him i will take both my kids with me as they don't like his character. He is not a womaniser, alcoholic..............but the words he uses , he is not understanding at all towards our feelings. He just treat us without any feelings of understanding , love, caring...........

well i am done , i have less berden now that i got it off from my chest.One more think i am always thnking about CJ, should i contact him but i don't have his contact number and i don't remember his address well,.........is it No.71 or 75 i just can't remember, but i really want to know what had happened to him. Is he married or not? how is he? is he happy? I just want him to be happy . He was so dissappointed in me. i always write to him telling him not to leave me but i left him and it's killing me till today deep inside my heart.It happened in 1982 but i still can't forget him and what i did to him. Lately it's bugging me a lot.