aaron5's Journal

I can't go on like this much longer.

I'm tired and drained.

I gave up on blameing, others, myself.

There just comes a time when you have to let it go.

I can't live up to the standerds of sociaty.

The laws over my head that won't stop for a moment.

I  finaly understand why people give up, why they must.

I'm having a hard time planeing, I'v always been bad at that.

I'm not even sure how to do it peacefully.

I can't believe how much work it is just to get off this planet.

I want to make sure the last money I have goes to my daughter.

I also don't want my family to have to deal with my body.

My daughter is stonger now she will be ok.

My son is young and has a good home with his mother, He will wounder why but will come to live with it in time.

The truth is I think its better for him to remember me as fun and happy, as opoused to what I am now.

I can't get passed my mother, she is the reason I have held out so long, I don't know how to convince her it was not her falt at all.

I'm making this decision on my own.

I will miss casey, she is the nicest person I have ever met.

I'm so glad she has a good family, they will take care of her.

I do have some hope that this is just venting, and maybe I will find a way out or a way in.

No one I know has a place for me where I can just lay down and smoke and eat a little.

I need to be alone a lot of the time and don't want to be in the way.

My dreams are dead and gone.

I can't believe in hope or the kindness of others its just not who I am or was.

Most all my bills are paid, I just have a few people to take care of, but they are small amounts.

My ex owes me enough to cover the child support untill hes 25 years old.

That will be a good start for him.

I feel sad for leaveing my son, but I have nothing left to offer him, why drag him down.

I played a rough life, did jobs with no retirement, no health beifets, but I did have a lot of fun an was given much love. 

I don't regret being here, but I know when its time to leave.

All my life I gave everything I had inside of myself, I just have nothing left to give.

If I could change anything from my past, I would have liked to have had a differant father.

I know thats the way things go, but I said anything.