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reddutchgirl 
7:41am, December 24, 2008
I haven't spent much time on the site because I'm too ill and I find myself not being able to relate to anyone else. I'm still waiting on this prednisone euphoria thing to kick in and it's been 3 weeks, no euphoria; just a lot of pain weakness and irratibility. 60 mg is a lot of prednisone!!! Why the heck have I not gotten better? The doc's from Duke say that my body was just that sick and it might take a full month for me to see the positive results. I am now on the 150 mg of Imuran and it just makes me naseous, yuck!! It only takes a full year for that drug to kick in, not long to wait at all. I can't believe that I'm complaining when I have the best of the best looking after my condition, but I felt a whole lot better before I went down there. I haven't been able to gain a pound either, just can't eat. But I do have a nice forehead full of painful zits. They are just lovely. The woman drawing my blood yesterday thought I was in my 20's, I told her it was just the acne.
There is a lot of emotional stuff piling on right now also. Before the Duke appt. I could ignore the MG. Most of my specialists thought that I was not a victim of MG, but I can ignore no longer. I do have it and it is kicking my behind right now. I don't talk to many people, in fact I turn my ringer off everyday because I don't want to expose anyone else to my negativity right now. And before you ask, no I have not found a counselor yet. Might be a very good idea, but the choices are limited in this area and I know that I cannot handle a social worker type. Nothing against them, have some very lovely friends that are social workers, but being a sociologist, we think a little differently. Heck I feel different than any other person that I know right now.
I'm also taking a big hit by being on the prednisone. I know it saves lives, but I never thought that I would be on it much less at the amount that I"m on. I still believe in the natural healing and think that it would benefit the prednisone and such, but my body is so messed up right now I'm just trying to learn to live this way first. It's hard to take something that goes against your beliefs, even if it may help someday. I'm trying to stay positive and think about how much better I should be feeling, but maybe I'm just one of those people that prednisone will not work on. Wait and see. Tick tock goes the clock.
I will jump on here from time to time, but I just feel weird, unhappy and very negative. I don't want to bring anyone down and I just need to coccoon myself right now. Believe it or not, people's energy affects me; it can cause me pain right now. I have to get Tris settled as soon as possible after school because that excited energy just plain old hurts. It is the weirdest sensation and I'm now seeing the colors with the energy which would have excited me years ago. You wouldn't believe how long I tried and tried to see aura's then finally gave it up. Now that I am so affected by the energy, colors are no problem for me at all. Sure intrepreting them will take time, hopefully I will feel much better before I become an expert.
To all my friends, I haven't forgotten about you all and think of you everyday. I just have to be alone with my pain for awhile longer. I hope you are all well and that I didn't bring anyone down. The old Kim is hiding somewhere in this mess and I'm hoping she will see the light of day before we lose all of our fall colors.
Comments
Your'e in there still Kim. Listen to your inner-self and lay low until you feel OK again. I'm a fan of the cocoon myself. Sometimes it's the only place to go when there is too much pain.
My Mum would tell you that your pain has cleansed your third eye...it will stay open and ready for you to work with it. Protect it and yourself by conserving your energy until you are ready to fully see with all three eyes. You can play with it a little with plants. They recieve and give back what they recieve. People, not so much. Light and courage friend...tam
snapcracklepop
Hi, I am doing ok. Mom is here and I have been on the go but try to check in once in a while. I understand and hope you find a counselor soon. The medications often contribute to depression and I never got euphoric with prednisone. I was so depressed on the meds that the Mayo psychiatrist wanted to put me in the psyche ward when I was taking all the meds. Please stop blaming yourself for your emotional roller coaster. There are actual physical reasons this is happening. Our bodies are reacting to all the meds, not to mention the illnesses as well. Be gentle with yourself and stop believeing that there is something wrong with your who "you" are. Getting past the fear and confusion of all the medical info takes time, but you will find the light at the end of the tunnel. And I know you will find what is best for you. Take care and I have not forgotten who you are! love, peace & BIG hug, Toshie
kokoinmn
I can relate to that all on some level. I know when I was my sickest, I did not feel human either. And the thought of just talking to another person, knowing they didn't/couldn't understand, hurt, and caused exhaustion. I didn't want to talk or explain or anything. I just wanted to sit and breathe. Prednisone is a weird drug. It can really pull our asses out of the trash can but then after a while we are wanting to get off of it. It did cause me some mental grief. I became a suspicious person, unlike myself ever before. I remember once I was going thru hubby's wallet and stopped and "this is the prednisone"!!! and put it away.
I would say that if you don't want to talk, then don't. Think of it as energy saved for healing, etc. One thing I was thinking of this morning: how wonderful my massage therapist was. She was like a total recouperative therapist. She'd give me a massage, with the goal of healing/energy in mind and I'd leave there on clouds. She'd give me tips on things that were exactly what I needed to hear ... like "walk on your feet like this for a while" or "try to see the meds are positive and your body will too". If they are going to work, she'd say, your mind has to be on board first. Wow. I miss her. she got divorced and moved and I never got to truly thank her. Maybe you can find someone like that? I think her name was Joy. Let's hope she moved to your area! I just want to wrap up and say that IT IS OK TO BE WHOEVER YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. You don't have to be sweet and meek or anything others may expect. All you have to be is you, moment to moment. love & tranquility, m
mechellebelle